


you're not pretty

by frstlove



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Sex, No Smut, Slow Burn, bi!baek, some side pairings idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-12-25 11:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12034944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frstlove/pseuds/frstlove
Summary: Baekhyun and Jongdae have never gotten along. It has always been fine, but they share the same friends and pretty much live together, so it is kind of awkward sometimes. Until it's not. And then it is, but for completely different reasons.This is my first time writing anything serious in English so just. Bear with me.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! so i have never written a fic before but i've been reading a lot recently and i'm pretty sure that i have read every baekchen fic in existence, so i had to add my own. this started as a gift for a friend who is even more obsessed with baekchen than i am so shell keep me in line i hope.  
> theres not gonna be smut because i feel weird reading smut about real people and i cant even imagine writing it so sorry for those who like it. there will be hand holding and kisses and mentions of sex but nothing specific  
> english isn't my first language so let me know if you find anything wrong (please)  
> comments are always appreciated, let me know if you like it!! ill update as often as i can

Baekhyun woke up cold and unable to move his neck. He slowly opened his eyes and cursed out loud at the sight of a very tall man standing over him, with a look of disapproval on his face.

“You know,” Chanyeol said, “you haven’t slept in your bed this week. I feel like I’m living with a ghost.”

Baekhyun growled, pushing himself off the library table that he had apparently fallen asleep on (not that it was the first time). He looked around, flinching when the movement made his neck ache. “Just two more weeks to go,” he sighed.

“Listen,” Chanyeol sat down next to him, a serious expression on his usually cheerful face, “We’re worried about you. I know this is important, but you can’t work yourself so hard that you don’t even bother to come home anymore. You’ve been wearing the same clothes since Sunday, and it’s _Thursday_.” Baekhyun blinked, he really hadn’t thought about it, but his clothes did kind of smell. “And if how gross that is isn’t enough, we miss you. Do you know how long it’s been since we saw you for more than five minutes?”

Baekhyun gulped down his guilt. It was only November, but getting a PhD was a lot harder than he had anticipated, and it’s not like he had expected it to be easy. As soon as he had walked through the doors of the uni in August, he had had so many things to do that he hadn’t even gone home once. His mother was ready to disown him.

Baekhyun sighed. “I know, I feel terrible, but I can’t afford to waste any time. The deadline for this paper is next month and I’m not even halfway done. I’ve been reading so much about the 15th century that I momentarily forgot how bathrooms worked yesterday.” He laughed, the kind of tired laugh that only made Chanyeol worry more. He stood up, trying to ignore Chanyeol’s worried look while he gathered all of his things and stuck them in his bag. “Listen,” he said as he turned to Chanyeol, “I got this. It’s only gonna be this intense for a few more weeks, and then I can do other stuff. I’ll treat you to dinner to thank you for putting up with me, okay? Just let me finish this.”

“No,” Chanyeol stood up, and Baekhyun really regretted not eating more bananas when he was young, so that Chanyeol’s height wouldn’t be as intimidating to him. “We’re going home, and you’re gonna shower, change clothes, and sleep in a _bed_. Then we’ll go out to eat and you can get drunk and hate yourself tomorrow, but you are not getting anywhere near those notes this weekend.” He looked down at Baekhyun’s bag, gesturing to the messy papers that bulged it.

Baekhyun didn’t even bother to argue because, to be honest, he was so tired that he didn’t know if he would survive another studying session. A shower, a nap and some actual food sounded like the best thing in the world, and he was kind of tired of the coffee from the library machine.

 

*******

There was a reason why Jongdae didn’t go out much, and it had everything to do with alcohol.

He was currently standing in the middle of a dance floor, alone, trying to gather up all of his friends to make sure they didn’t do something stupid, like buying a house in Italy (again); but he was missing one and the ones he already had refused to stand in place.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead while he searched the crowd for Baekhyun, who had drunk his weight in alcohol, and then some. Baekhyun was the most annoying drunk he knew, and it was extra annoying because he only needed a couple of beers to start dragging his words.

They usually were pretty good at having more than one sober person to make sure the other ones got home safely, but Jongin had cancelled last minute, and everyone else had been drinking already.

Jongdae scanned the dance floor, cursing to himself when he found Baekhyun making out with a girl in a corner, his hands wandering more than they probably should in such a public place. “Stay here,” he hissed to Yixing, who arguably was the soberest one out of all his friends; and then made his way through the crowd to push Baekhyun off the girl. “Sorry, but I’m the designated driver, and I’m leaving.” He did not wait for a response, and pushed Baekhyun towards everyone else. He knew that Baekhyun was drunker than usual when he didn’t say a word, and mentally cursed for agreeing to go out, today of all days.

See, he and Baekhyun didn’t get along very well. They had grown up in the same neighborhood, and they had seen so much of each other every day, with their parents almost forcing them to become friends that he had ended up feeling the exact opposite. Baekhyun was easy going, loud and funny, and everyone loved him, but Jongdae. They had shared the same group of friends ever since they got into college, almost six years ago, but their relationship hadn’t changed much. He didn’t know what Baekhyun thought about this sort-of friendship they had developed, but it bothered Jongdae more than he’d like to admit to himself, even if he didn’t know why.

He somehow managed to get everyone out and walking, hoping that the cold air of the November night would sober them up. There were seven of them, and he was thankful that they all lived sort of together. He first left Sehun and Junmyeon in his own apartment, all of them clumsily wandering to their own bedrooms and probably waking Jongin up, and then turned around to get Yixing’s keys out of his pocket so he could drop the rest of them in the apartment across the hall.

This apartment was smaller, but the way Minseok kept everything clean made it seem bigger and more mature, like the people who lived there weren’t actually college students. He walked all of them to their bedrooms, earning a pat in the back from Minseok and a hug from Chanyeol, who murmured something about the love of his life before he fell into his bed and almost immediately started snoring.

Jongdae turned around to leave, but found Baekhyun sitting next to the door in the hall, sound asleep, and sighed deeply. He thought about leaving him there for a moment, but he didn’t feel like being lectured by Junmyeon the next morning, so he hit his cheek, softly, to get Baekhyun to open his eyes. “Hey,” he said, as Baekhyun opened his eyes and immediately closed them again. “Hey,” he repeated, louder this time, “we have to get you to bed.” He grabbed Baekhyun’s arms and half dragged, half walked him to his bed, earning a soft moan from Baekhyun as he fell into the mattress.

Jongdae was almost through the bedroom door when he heard Baekhyun mumble something that included the words ‘thank you’ and ‘pretty’. _Well_ , he thought, _that’s a first._

 

*******

 

“I hate you,“ Baekhyun said to the tall figure that stood over him, a coffee mug in one hand and what seemed like an Ibuprofen in the other. He felt like crap, his head pounded and he could feel a bruise in his hip. He’d rather not think about how he got that.

“It wasn’t me who told you to drink _seven_ shots of tequila,” Chanyeol said, not looking much better than Baekhyun felt. “At least you went out.” He placed the coffee and the Ibuprofen on the table next to Baekhyun’s bed and walked out.

Baekhyun groaned and got up, cursing loudly when he tripped on his shoes. He must have really been out of it last night if he hadn’t gotten his shoes off before his bedroom. Minseok was going to kill him.

A shower, two coffees and a hug to Kyungsoo later, he was feeling better and felt like eating. Yixing and Chanyeol were talking about the game they had the next day while they had breakfast in the kitchen counter, and Baekhyun plopped down next to them, grabbing a croissant and listening to the soft conversation around them.

Even if he felt like he was about to die, he was glad he had gone out last night, even if he didn’t remember most of it. He remembered getting to the club and participating in a competition of who could drink the most tequila shots with some strangers, the prize being free drink for the rest of the night. He didn’t remember whether he had won, but he was missing 30 bucks, so he guessed that was his answer.

He drank his coffee, thinking about the girl he thought he had been making out with the night before, right before someone… He spat out his drink, coughing. _Jongdae_ had pulled him off the girl, and he had driven them home, and even as much as put Baekhyun in bed. Chanyeol and Yixing were looking at him funny, and he just stood up and walked to the balcony.

It had been Jongdae, of all people. He hated the thought that he had not only seen him that drunk, but had helped him get home safely. Jongdae was the only person he had ever met who didn’t like him, and Baekhyun couldn’t figure out why. It had bothered him, at first, and he had tried to be friends, but it had never worked. He had kind of accepted that there was, after all, one person in the planet who didn’t like him, when he had been out with his friends one night during his freshman year and found out that they were friends with Jongdae, too. He seemed to be okay-er with this than Jongdae was, but he still didn’t like being around him. Chanyeol thought it was hilarious, Yixing liked to mess with them because of it, and Junmyeon hated it, mostly because it always ended up with one of them not going out if the other was going to be around.

Baekhyun sighed and got inside, cold from the morning air, and decided to ignore the previous night. It’s not like it would be repeated soon, because he had way too much work to go out before New Year’s, he thought as he jumped into bed again, ignoring Minseok’s call for him to wash his coffee mug. Sleep first.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where baekhyun sleeps (again), and we get to know a bit more about jongdae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so i have a new chapter where nothing interesting happens but i hope you like it?  
> yes i am aware that baek is asleep like half of the time but he is working very hard and he deserves some sleep. also it may be my subconscious showing and hoping that he actually sleeps this much in real life  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated, thank you for reading!!

Baekhyun opened the door to his apartment, trying to level all five books he was carrying in his arms so that he could get inside without dropping them. It had been a long day ⎯hell, it had been a long week, but he was home, finally, and more than ready for a shower and a thirteen-hour nap.

He walked in and closed the door behind him, walking into the living room and dropping his books in the kitchen table. He walked to the refrigerator to get a glass of water right as someone cleared his throat and said “Hi.”

Baekhyun almost dropped the glass, turning around to see Jongdae sitting in the floor in front of the couch, with a laptop on the table and a cup of coffee next to him, looking nervous. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Jongdae looked up at him, ignoring Baekhyun’s f-bomb. “Sehun and Junmyeon are home. They’re, um...” Jongdae looked down at his palms, not sure about  how to say it.

Baekhyun opened up his eyes, realization hitting him. Sehun and Junmyeon had finally come to their senses and gotten together less than a week before, much to no one’s surprise. They had been walking around each other for ever, but it seemed like they were making up for lost time, if the sounds coming from their bedrooms every night were any sign of it. “They can’t be that loud,” Baekhyun said, knowing damn well that Junmyeon was loud as fuck ⎯Baekhyun’s room shared a wall with him, after all.

“They are. And it’s not only that, but they’re constantly making gushy mushy eyes at each other, and don’t even get me started on the PDA,” Jongdae replied, making a disgusted face. “We have keys to you guys’ apartment, and I knew no one was home, so I just thought⎯”

“It’s all right,” Baekhyun said, putting his glass down and picking his books up from the table. “I was startled, that’s all. I was looking forward to an afternoon by myself. I’ve been working a lot lately.”

Jongdae blushed strawberry red, and started mumbling something about leaving Baekhyun alone and going home as he picked his things up. Baekhyun hadn’t meant to throw him out, and he felt kind of guilty that Jongdae thought he wasn’t welcome. He wasn’t, not really, not when no one else was home, but all of them were very close and it had never been a problem for any of them to come over to the others’ apartment. “No, stay,” Baekhyun said, and it came out more like an order than he had intended to. “I just mean, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be home. I’ll just go take a shower and sleep for a bit. You can, um, wait for the others here. Or not,” he mumbled, feeling embarrassed and walking over to his bedroom to put some distance and a door between him and Jongdae’s surprised expression.

He sighed and leaned on the door, feeling more tired from that little interaction than from all the work he had done that day.

 

*******

 

Jongdae threw his bag on his bed, groaning loudly at the sight of his messy room. He had just wanted to get some work done without Junmyeon’s loud moans messing with his songs. He hadn’t intended to run into Baekhyun, and he definitely hadn’t intended to talk to him. Things between them had been weirder than ever since they had gone out that night. They had barely spoken three words to each other in two weeks, and Jongdae was happy with that. Baekhyun had been nice today, though, nicer than Jongdae would have been in his situation, and Jongdae was kind of surprised. It’s not like they had interacted much after Baekhyun had run off to his bedroom, the shower sounds filling the apartment and Jongdae deciding that he could not work anymore because of the noise, but staying anyway so he didn’t seem rude; but he was hyper aware of Baekhyun’s presence in the other room. Jongdae had stayed for an hour before deciding it was safe to return home, not sure if he should say goodbye or not. He had lightly knocked on Baekhyun’s door, not receiving an answer, and he had slowly opened the door to see Baekhyun sound asleep on his bed, face down. He looked peaceful and it was a beautiful sight, Jongdae thought. _He looks pretty_ , he admitted to himself. He looked older without that stupid grin he always had, and it was weird to see him not making a noise. Jongdae closed the door and left, not wanting to wake him up.

Sehun and Junmyeon had been on the kitchen when he arrived, kind-of-but-not-really making out in front of the cereal. They had both blushed and had the decency of looking ashamed, knowing that they were the reason Jongdae had left.

He showered and decided he wasn’t that hungry for dinner, so he picked his guitar up instead. He was a performing and composing major, meaning he had to present a new song every week at the bar down the street, _Apolo_. Each Friday, students went in and sang to whoever had decided to attend that week, and then they voted who their favorite one had been. It was voluntary, but it did have a positive effect on his grade, honestly, it was his favorite class. They had to take it every year, and it was chill and easy and what he wanted to do for the rest of his life.

He loved performing in front of people. It gave him a rush, and for those minutes that the song lasted, he felt like he could move mountains. He had first gone on a stage when he was 8 and had performed a terrible cover of _twinkle, twinkle, little star_ , but after that, he had promised himself he would spend the rest of his life singing.

He had been surprised, though, when he had been offered a full scholarship to study exactly that in one of the best universities in the country. He had spent all of his high school years learning to play the piano and the guitar, and attending the choir at the church trying to improve his singing. He wasn’t very good, but who cared? It made him happy.

Until one day he was offered the main role in the school musical, and had started receiving praises and compliments, and it had been then when he had let himself dream of maybe being able to make a living out of something he loved so much. He had started writing songs, and when he had come first in the regional competitions for Young Talents, he had decided he would.

It hadn’t been easy, though. He had worked his ass off, knowing that most universities didn’t offer what he was interested in, and knowing that his family couldn’t afford most of them. He had spent countless nights working until 3 am, making sure his songs were perfect. He had moved to the basement so he could practice at any time of the day without bothering his family, and he had refused to cry when his boyfriend had broken up with him at the start of his senior year. It was more song inspiration, and he needed some brokenhearted songs he could add to his repertoire.

It had been worth it, he thought as he packed his guitar and ran down the stairs to _Apolo_ , because it meant he got to stand on that stage every week, performing songs he loved to people who had come to love him, too. He was one of the only ones who really were regulars, coming in every week. He said hi to the doorman and went in, crossing paths with some people he knew, and some he recognized as students that liked to hang around the bar on Fridays. It was a pretty well-known bar, and it was close enough to the university that most students would go there at the end of the day to relax.

Jongdae proceeded to soundcheck everything, from the mic to the guitar and the speakers, making sure that everything sounded as it should. He was a senior, after all, and he knew this equipment better than some freshmen knew their own.

Once everything was finished he went to the bar and asked for a beer. He wasn’t much of a drinker but he knew how to appreciate a good beer, especially before a performance. It made him feel like a cliché, a singer with a guitar who drank beer and talked about philosophical stuff but, honestly, he kind of was a cliché.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw some people he recognized as Jongin, Yixing, Sehun and Junmyeon came in. He wasn’t surprised, his friends usually came to see him perform, but it always shocked him a bit that his friends were that supportive. His friends back home had laughed at him when he had told them he wanted to be a singer and, back then, he had almost believed them and given up. Good thing he hadn’t, though.

They all drank a bit before the first performance started. It was a short, blonde girl with an ukulele. She sang about love and someone cheating and it was beautiful, but Jongdae could tell she was nervous. It was pretty obviously her first time, and Jongdae made a mental note to check on her later. He had had a senior approach him his first time, and he was thankful for that. He liked to make sure they were okay, because he could still very vividly remember when he had first come to _Apolo_. To his credit, he had felt only slightly sick.

The night flew by and soon enough it was his turn. He walked toward the stage, a loud applause in his ears, as the owner of the bar said, “This next one doesn’t need an introduction, because this stage is more his own than it is mine; so let’s please just welcome Kim Jongdae!”

He smiled at that, admitting to himself that it was kind of true. He played an upbeat song, hopeful and romantic and everything he didn’t currently feel, but it sounded great and the people loved it ⎯he could tell by the way they all looked at him, and he loved this feeling. He wasn’t particularly outgoing, but he loved the attention. He felt powerful when he was on stage, and he didn’t think he could ever grow tired of this. He smiled brightly as he stood up and bowed to the public, feeling warm and at home. It felt right, like he had found his place in the world, and every time he stood up to take the ovation thrown at him, he felt like a god. Maybe the name _Apolo_ was more accurate than he had imagined at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my twitter is @prijstin if anyone is interested


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where baekhyun sleeps only for a bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not sure for how long ill be able to kepp bringin chapters this often, so enjoy it while you can  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated!!

It had become kind of a routine. Baekhyun would get home after a long day to find Jongdae on his couch, working. Sometimes Minseok was around, helping him out, and sometimes Kyungsoo was sitting on the balcony listening as Jongdae sang, sometimes he was alone, but it was always Baekhyun’s sudden presence that marked the end of the work day.

Jongdae felt only slightly uncomfortable being alone with him, now. It bothered him that they had gotten used to being around each other so quickly, but he was relieved that that tension that was always hanging when they had to spend time together had loosed this much. Baekhyun had learnt how he liked his coffee, and he had actually brought him a cup from Starbucks when he had arrived home one day. Jongdae had blushed a bit, but he had accepted it, probably reading way too much more into it than he should have.

Still, the mere sight of Baekhyun annoyed him. Just because they were slowly ¾and finally, Junmyeon would say¾ starting to be civil around each other didn’t mean they were friends, and he didn’t like how familiar Baekhyun’s presence felt when he was working in his living room.

It also annoyed him that he never knew when Baekhyun was coming home, and he felt like it would be ridiculous to ask ¾he didn’t even live here, for God’s sake. But he didn’t want Baekhyun to come home and hear him sing and work on his songs, and it made his productivity sink to an all-time low. He couldn’t point out what it was, but as soon as he heard the keys, he would put his guitar down and pretend like he was focused on his laptop. One time, he had actually just pretended to be on it while it was off, but Baekhyun didn’t know that, thankfully.

The door to the apartment opened and Jongdae put the mug he had been drinking from down, turning around to see Baekhyun come in, miraculously not dropping any of the things he was carrying. Baekhyun let everything on the table, sighing loudly from the relief of the weight. He turned around to smile proudly at Jongdae, only to find that he had stood up and come to his side, and he was just standing there and looking at him funny. “What is it?” he said, coughing up a bit.

“I thought you were gonna drop everything,” Jongdae admitted, looking at the pile of things scattered on the kitchen table.

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for the help, thought,” Baekhyun replied, blushing when he realized Jongdae hadn’t actually done anything. “If that’s, um, what you were gonna do. Thanks.” He mentally kicked himself as he untangled his arm from the two bags he as carrying, revealing two Starbucks cups in a small tray. “I, uh, brought you coffee.” His face fell when he took in Jongdae’s discarded mug on the living room table.

Jongdae followed his gaze and took his expression in, laughing it off while he grabbed the coffee Baekhyun was holding. “Thank you. I never wanted to bring it up, but your coffee machines sucks.”

Baekhyun laughed, relieved, and started gathering his things to take them to his room. “Don’t tell that to Minseok. He treats that machine like it’s his child.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jongdae answered, and they both looked at each other awkwardly. Baekhyun kept forgetting that Jongdae may not have been around when he was, but he had been very much around his apartment before. “I’ll let you do your thing, I was going home just now anyway.”

“They’ve been faster the last few days. It seems Junmyeon may be getting old,” Baekhyun waved him off as he took his books into his bedroom, and Jongdae was left alone in the living room, not sure how to bring up that Junmyeon and Sehun hadn’t been loud for days, and that the reason he kept coming over was because working here just felt _better_.

 

*******

 

Baekhyun wasn’t having the best day. He had slept past his alarm, which had made him late to his meeting with his counselor. Because he was late, he hadn’t showered, or had a coffee, or changed his clothes, and he had almost died from embarrassment when the cute guy from the library had told him he looked like a mess. He had spent the last three weeks actually putting some effort into his appearance every Tuesday and Thursday to get him to notice him, only to screw it up because he had overslept. He had felt like hell all day, and his throat hurt like a bitch. All he wanted to do was take a nap but, seriously, he felt like all he did lately was sleep and work.

He opened the door to the cafeteria, searching the crowd looking for Chanyeol. He was tall enough to stand out, and he had bright pink hair, so it wasn’t too difficult. He walked over and sat next to him, purposely making a lot of noise as he dramatically banged his head against the table, earning a funny look from everyone. “I’m dying.”

“You do smell like death,” Kyungsoo said, wrinkling his nose in disgust at Baekhyun, and earning a sound of protest from the latter.

“Listen, it’s not my fault,” he defended himself, straightening up. “I overslept and didn’t have time to shower. Plus, I think I’m getting sick. I hate midterm season,” he finished, with a loud groan made him cough, and Chanyeol softly patted his back.

“So,” Minseok spoke, “not to take the spotlight away from you or anything, but we were kind of talking about me. And it was, you know, important.”

“You could actually be helpful, here,” Kyungsoo tease, and Baekhyun was too tired to manage anything but a mean look at him.

He gestured at Minseok to go on, and so he did. “So.” He looked nervous. “I’ve been meaning to ask Jongdae out for a while now, and we were, you know, talking about the best ways to do so and stuff.” He looked at the others for support, and Baekhyun flinched a bit from the surprise.

Truth was, Minseok was a more recent addition to the group. They had known him for over a year, but it wasn’t until he had moved in with them on June that they had become close. Baekhyun assumed it was then when he had started being interested in Jongdae but, from the way they interacted, he would have never guessed it.

“We were all just thinking,” Sehun said, looking down at where his hand was intertwined with Junmyeon’s on the table, “we don’t know much about you two before college, only that you hated each other and that. And,” he wavered for a bit, looking up at the others, “Minseok here was worried that you two had history and he would be in the middle of it, since you guys have clearly still not solved whatever it was that made you hate each other’s guts.”

Everyone turned to Baekhyun obviously expecting an answer, but he had missed to see the implicit question in Sehun’s explanation, so he was looking a bit lost. “I don’t know what you want me to say. We never really got along, that’s it.”

“So, you two don’t have _history?_ ” Junmyeon asked, remarking ‘history’ so that Baekhyun would pick up what they meant.

Baekhyun looked at him, perplexed. “Not of that kind. We just knew each other growing up, but he never liked me. I came to terms with it, and then we met here. You guys know the rest.”

They all looked at each other, some kind of telepathic thought on all of their minds, and Baekhyun’s gaze went from one to the other, failing to pick up whatever it was that they were discussing. “Do any of you plan on filling me in?”

Chanyeol doubted for a bit, but he gave in. “Jongdae’s mentioned an ex a few times. He said he had broken his heart, and that it had happened when he was young, and it had motivated him to become a singer, so we just thought¾“

“¾that it was me?” Baekhyun finished, not believing his ears. “There can be more than two boys who are also interested in boys in the same town, you know. We didn’t all just go out with each other because there were no more options.”

The others had the decency of looking embarrassed, at least. “Sorry,” Junmyeon said. “We shouldn’t have asked.”

“For the record, I told them to stop being gossips,” Kyungsoo intervened, and Baekhyun smiled at him.

“So, I can ask him out?” Minseok asked Baekhyun. “No hard feelings?”

“None from my part. But don’t start being loud on our apartment, cause I won’t have another one to run to.” They all laughed at that, and the crisis was avoided.

They walked home together afterwards, Baekhyun feeling too tired to go study at the library until closing hours like he usually did. It was cold but not too cold, especially for a December night, and he felt comforted by his friends’ closeness.

Jongdae wasn’t in his usual spot when they arrived, but Baekhyun didn’t think much of it as he jumped straight into bed, only to be bothered minutes later by Chanyeol bringing him some milk with honey. Feeling warm, happy and loved, he drifted off until the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where baek sleeps again but this time jongdae sleeps too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so two things  
> 1\. im european so temperature is in celsius because no one else understans fahrenheit wtf r u doing america  
> 2\. i am also currently sick its not interesting but i thought it was funny that i wrote this while being sick ok  
> also i know that baek wouldn't wake up first in the mornings but here he's a Responsble Man and he does because im the writer and i make him sleep more than enough already  
> pls enjoy  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated !! thank u for reading

Baekhyun woke up freezing cold and covered in sweat. He slowly opened his eyes and shook his head at how much his throat hurt when he tried to swallow, which made him dizzy. He had no idea what time it was, but he was probably late, judging from the sounds coming from the kitchen. He was usually the first one up, but today it seems like everyone had gotten a head start on him. He sighed deeply, covering himself with the comforter and cursing his luck. Of course he would get sick at the busiest time of the year. He stood up and ran to put some clothes on. He was freezing, and he was pretty sure he had a fever.

Once he walked into the living room, Chanyeol turned around and whistled. “You look like crap,” he said, a true friend indeed.

“I feel like crap,” Baekhyun groaned, making a squeaky noise and coughing loudly. He went to make himself a coffee, but Kyungsoo gave him the cup that he had been preparing. “Thanks.”

Everyone went around the kitchen getting ready and Baekhyun headed to his room to take a shower. The water was warm and although he was freezing when he came out, it made him feel better. He got dressed and headed to the kitchen to take an ibuprofen, but Minseok stood in his way. “You’re staying home today, right?” It came out more like an order than a question.

“I wish. You know I can’t.” Baekhyun tried to make his way around Minseok, but he refused to move.

“Yeah, you’re not going anywhere,” came Yixing’s voice from behind, and Baekhyun saw Chanyeol on the couch holding a thermometer at him.

“You could have just said that I’m hot, you don’t need a thermometer for that,” Baekhyun said, but it came out less flirty than he had intended, because his voice sounded like a really old truck.

Chanyeol didn’t laugh, he only gestured for Baekhyun to sit next to him, and Baekhyun obediently sat down on the couch and opened his mouth. The thermometer rang in just a couple of seconds, and Baekhyun sighed at the 38,7ºC it marked. He really was sick.

He didn’t even protest when Minseok grabbed him and took him to his room, telling him to stop being a headass and stay in bed all day. “We’ll be back soon to check on you. There’s honey in the tall cabinet and we have some tea you can take.” He left Baekhyun’s room, and Chanyeol came in to take his books. “This is only to make sure you don’t do anything you shouldn’t,” he said as he grabbed all of them. Baekhyun didn’t even have time to say anything, because the ibuprofen was making him sleepy and he felt like dying.

Chanyeol turned off the lights on his way out, telling him to call in case he needed anything. Baekhyun nodded, and he drifted off.

 

*******

 

Jongdae was tired, He had been working on a song for almost two weeks now, and he couldn’t get it right. It was frustrating and it made him worry about what he was gonna play next Friday. He had expected this song to be ready by then and he hadn’t been rehearsing any other ones.

He got home soon, because he didn’t feel like staying in campus any longer. He usually liked to hang out with his friends after school, but he was in a pissy mood and he wouldn’t be any fun. He just wanted a nap.

He ate some late lunch in front of the TV, flipping through the channels looking for something semi-interesting. He didn’t watch it much, mainly because Jongin always had the remote, and because he was more of a Netflix kind of guy. He got bored soon enough, and he was about to turn the TV off when he saw an ad. It was a ridiculous ad about floor cleaner and lemon scent, but something in his brain tickled.

He remembered being 16, laying in the grass of the park next to his house with his boyfriend at the time, Luhan. It was a spring day, and Jongdae had felt nervous, and shy, because they hadn’t been dating for that long and all he wanted to do was hold his hand and kiss him senseless, but he was still too awkward to do so. They had spent all afternoon talking about nothing and laughing like little kids. Luhan had walked him home when it was dark, and he had kissed him in front of the tree at the start of his street. He had smelled like citrus, and he had tasted grapefruit on his tongue. When Jongdae had gotten home that day, he was smiling so big his brother had asked what was wrong with him.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the memory. It had been so long ago, but he could still feel how excited and in love he had been that night. He stood up and grabbed his guitar, that was nearby, and his writing notebook, and he started messing with some notes. Soon enough he had a melody, and he was working through the lyrics when the door opened. Sehun and Junmyeon came in, furiously kissing each other against the apartment door. Jongdae sighed and waited for them to notice his presence, which happened a couple of minutes after, when they stumbled into the kitchen table and Junmyeon opened his eyes to find him in the couch. He pushed Sehun away and Sehun looked at Jongdae. Their hair was a mess, and they were both flushed from the kisses.

Jongdae talked before any of them could. “I’ll be across the hall,” he said as he stood up and walked towards the door.

Junmyeon smiled apologetically and Sehun shrugged, with a much smugger smile on his face. They basically ran to Junmyeon’s room, which now doubled as Sehun’s, too. Jongdae walked out, grabbing the keys to the other apartment, which now felt like a second home.

He had expected Baekhyun to be home already, which is why he hadn’t grabbed his things before he left. He was ready for an awkward conversation, but the apartment was empty. “Hello?” he said out loud, and he heard coughing coming from what he assumed was Baekhyun’s room, because it was the only one he hadn’t been in. He opened the door to find Baekhyun in bed, blinds down. The room smelled awful, and it seemed like Baekhyun was shivering. “Hi.” He didn’t know what to do.

Baekhyun turned around and said, “Hi,” in the raspiest voice Jongdae had ever heard.

“You look like shit,” Jongdae said, walking towards the bed.

“I feel like shit,” Baekhyun whispered, and Jongdae couldn’t believe it. Baekhyun hadn’t whispered once in all the years they had known each other.

“So, um. I need a safe haven for a couple of hours.” Jongdae squirmed a bit, feeling awkward.

“Sure. Couch,” it’s all Baekhyun managed to say before he broke into a cough, pulling the comforter tighter around him.

“Okay. I’ll leave you to rest.” Jongdae turned around and closed the door behind him, feeling sick. He was a singer, and he hated being sick, so seeing Baekhyun like this hurt him a bit. He wanted to help, but he didn’t really know what to do.

He went to the kitchen and started looking for some kind of infusion, because he remembered Baekhyun drinking tea when they were younger. He liked to have hot chocolate when he was sick, but tea or chamomile was better. He made a cup and changed recipients a couple of times so it wouldn’t be too hot, and he found some honey in a cabinet. Honey helped with throats.

He walked to Baekhyun’s room and knocked lightly. “I made you tea. It has honey, and it should help your voice.” He didn’t hear Baekhyun’s response, but he made some noise, which Jongdae interpreted as an okay, so he walked in. He looked over the lump on the bed in front of him, and he tapped Baekhyun in what he hoped was the shoulder. “You should go to the couch. This room needs clean air and it will only make you sicker.” Baekhyun shook his head and flinched, obviously pained. “I’m trying to be nice here. Move.” Jongdae pushed the comforter down a little bit, and Baekhyun groaned. “Come on,” Jongdae put the tea down and walked toward the windows to lift the blinds. Baekhyun made an annoyed noise from the bed, but it seemed to wake him up a little bit. “Get up, come on,” Jongdae said, and Baekhyun murmured something about him being less annoying when he wasn’t nice, to which Jongdae chuckled a bit. He saw Baekhyun grab the cup and go to the couch, to wrap himself around the blanket that was there.

Jongdae suddenly felt uncomfortable, alone in Baekhyun’s room, but he would think about that later. He quickly lifted all the blinds and opened the windows to let the air in. He walked into the living room and closed the door behind him to find Baekhyun laying on the couch, shivering.

He sat down next to him, and Baekhyun surprised him by saying, “Thank you.”

“It’s okay. I know what a sore throat feels like.”

“But you didn’t have to do that. So, thank you.” Baekhyun was looking at him like he had never seen him before, and Jongdae shifted in his seat, not knowing what to say.

They sat in silence for a bit, the sounds of Baekhyun drinking his tea the only noise filling the room. Jongdae stood up and went to Baekhyun’s room to close the window. He wanted Baekhyun back in his room as soon as possible, so they didn’t have to sit in silence anymore. He didn’t know what to do when Baekhyun was silent, because he was _never_ silent.

He was going to tell Baekhyun that he could go back to bed, but when he went back into the living room Baekhyun was sitting up, and he spoke before Jongdae could, “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?” He spoke so softly that Jongdae almost felt like he had imagined it, but Baekhyun was expecting an answer.

He should say no, but he had had a crappy day and a movie with someone, even if it was someone he didn’t get along with, seemed like a better plan than self-pity, so he nodded.

They turned the TV on and Baekhyun asked, “Netflix?”, to which Jongdae nodded again. Baekhyun took it upon himself to choose the movie, and he put some old rom com on. It was a light-hearted movie, and it seemed out of place in the charged environment they were currently in.

Baekhyun half lied, half sat on the couch, and Jongdae sat still next to him. He felt awkward, but Baekhyun didn’t seem to notice as he wiggled his feet closer and put them under Jongdae’s thighs. “Do you mind?” he asked softly. “I’m cold.”

“Sure,” Jongdae said, and Baekhyun nodded and wrapped himself more tightly with the blanket, sparing some for Jongdae’s legs. He hadn’t been cold, but he was suddenly thankful for the blanket. They watched the movie in silence, Baekhyun cough-laughing at the right parts, Jongdae too busy thinking to actually pay attention.

They were still in that position when the movie had ended and Kyungsoo and Yixing came home to find them both sound asleep on their couch, sharing a blanket.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae is a bit of a bitch and a lot of a drama queen and baekhyun is too chill for his own good. some shit goes down. everyone kind of needs a hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so everyone is clear, baekhyun got sick on tuesday (chapter 3) and he was actually sick wednesday (chapter 4) and thursday. this chapter starts friday afternoon. just so everyone knows when we are.  
> also, i'm terrible at writing dialogue, so if any of you feel like this fic lacks conversations, this is why. if you have any suggestion please let me know, i would love to improve my dialogue writing.  
> also, i have a playlist of the songs i play while writing and i update it every time i think of a new song that goes with what i'm currently working on. they're not in order bc i finished editing this today but i wrote chapters 6&7 before that so the song order is a mess, but if anyone is interested/wants very minor spoilers of what's to come, i could post the link. let me know!  
> i hope you enjoy! kudos and comments are always, always appreciated, thank you for all of your support <3

Baekhyun dropped down on the bed and sighed as he rubbed a hand over his face. It had been a tough week, and the last two days had been especially hard on him. He had finally overcome his fever today, and decided he was okay enough to work. He was tired, but getting back to the routine felt nice. He had missed the library and King Charles the 2nd of Spain.  He felt like an old friend by now.

Most people looked at him like he had gone mad whenever he talked about his major, even his friends, who he had known for so long. Most people didn’t go to school because they loved something, they never got to pursue something that they felt really passionate about, so Baekhyun always felt alone when he talked about loving his 12-hour-long study sessions. He had always been a History enthusiast, but when he had gotten to high school he had turned into a straight-up nerd. So much, that he had ignored everyone’s concerns about the professional outings of being a History major, and he had dedicated four years to it, and he was now on his second year of working on his PhD.

He had only started, though. He had changed topics for his doctoral thesis _six_ times. He loved History so much, especially European History, that he just couldn’t decide what interested him the most. For him, the studying and the readings and the papers were a hobby, because he would have been doing them the same were he to have chosen a different major. Most people made fun of him when he mentioned that, but a few got it. Chanyeol had laughed at first, but Baekhyun drunkenly rambling about King Charles 1 st of Spain and 5th of Germany at 4am had changed his mind. Everyone has their kinks, had been Chanyeol’s response.

Baekhyun was tired of staying home. He had been at home for two days straight, until Chanyeol and Minseok had decided that he could go out again after his sickness. He wasn’t completely back to normal, but his head didn’t hurt anymore and he could all but scream now, something that his friends seemed to appreciate.

He didn’t usually go out on Fridays because he liked to work until late, but today he didn’t feel like staying all alone while everyone else had fun. He texted the groupchat to ask where they were going tonight and jumped into the shower while he waited for an answer. He scrubbed himself, using up all of Kyungsoo’s soap (something he would have to pay for later). By the time he had come out, hair a mess because of the towel he had used to dry it, Yixing and Minseok had gotten home and were talking about their plans for the evening in the living room.

Baekhyun walked into the room, wearing only a towel on his lower half, phone in hand. “Hi,” he said, bowing his head slightly as he walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“We were talking about tonight,” Yixing said, turning around to face him from his sitting position on the couch. “We’re all going to grab some drinks to the Apolo and then we’ll hit a club or something. No one really feels like drinking much today.” Baekhyun laughed at that, because that was the sentence that had started their most memorable drunken nights.

“Sweet. Who’s coming?” Baekhyun said as he washed the glass. Minseok was staring at him, and he didn’t want to be scolded for leaving it in the sink. “I know that Kyungsoo is having breakfast with Krystal tomorrow and Jongin has got work.”

“It’s us, Sehun and Junmyeon,” Minseok said. “Jongdae is playing, but then he’ll probably join if we promise not to drink too much,” he finished, watching Baekhyun’s reaction.

Baekhuyn looked down nervously. Ever since their nap together on Wednesday, Jongdae hadn’t been over. He had woken up alone at 3am, with another blanket over him, courtesy of Yixing. Chanyeol had told him that Jongdae was gone when he had arrived, but Yixing and Kyungsoo had seen them sleeping together on the couch. Surprisingly, no one had asked Baekhyun about it, but they all seemed curious as to what their new relationship status was. Baekhyun was curious, too. He was kind of lost about how to act with Jongdae around.

That’s what made him nervous about tonight. He had never seen Jongdae perform, because everyone going to Apolo to watch him felt like _his_ thing, and Baekhyun didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. He usually just joined them later, or he just went on Saturdays.

He wanted to go, though. And since he was getting along better with Jongdae, maybe he wouldn’t mind. He wasn’t the only one playing, after all. “Okay,” he said, to Minseok and Yixing, still on the couch. “Pizza for dinner?”

 

*******

 

They had all waited for Sehun, who was the last one to get home, to get ready, and they all left the apartment building together. Baekhyun was nervous but excited. He hadn’t seen Jongdae perform since high school, and Baekhyun hadn’t been paying much attention. He had dressed up, no more than usual, but he had felt a need to look extra nice for tonight. His eyeliner was more perfect and his hair softer, and when he had come out of his room, Yixing and Chanyeol had looked at him like they knew.

He relaxed the moment they walked into Apolo. It was such a familiar environment, saying hi to Gonzalo, the doorman, and walking down the stairs that led into the bar. It was bigger than it seemed, the walls covered in dark wood, the smell of beer and old lit cigarettes filling the air. It was homely and welcoming, and it felt almost nostalgic every time they walked in. This bar had seen some pretty intense moments these last five years.

The stage was on the far left, only a couple of steps above the rest of the floor. Jongdae was there, crouching down and examining some of the equipment, making sure everything was alright. They headed to the bar and ordered some beers and a Coke ⎯Yixing was the one in charge of getting them all home safely tonight⎯ while they waited for the performances to start.

Jongdae finished what he was doing and walked towards them, smiling cheerfully. Baekhyun had sat with his back to the stage, because he needed something to force him not to stare at the jeans that Jongdae was wearing, so low that the shirt he wore didn’t cover all of his abdomen; so he didn’t see him approach. He almost choked on his drink when Jongdae showed up next to him, and he just looked at him while he said hi to everyone. He looked great up close, his eyes framed softly with red eyeshadow, and his skin was a wonder. Baekhyun shifted in his seat, trying to ignore the sudden appreciation for Jongdae’s lips that had come over him. Jongdae didn’t say hi to him, or acknowledge his presence at all, like he did most of the times they were all together, but it was fine. Baekhyun only wanted to go out, and there were plenty more of his friends there to talk to.

Jongdae sat with them and ordered a shot while the performances started. The first one was a blonde girl who spoke softly but had the voice of a storm, and Jongdae smiled brightly when she finished and they were all applauding. “She performed for the first time last week. I talked to her and tried to get her to calm down, and she did so much better! She’s really good.” He sounded like a proud big brother, and it was adorable. She walked over to them to thank him, buying them all a round for their support.

The performances passed by, some cheerful and bright and some more melancholic, but all good enough. They drank and cheered everyone on, and suddenly it was 11pm and time for the last performance. “Come on, big boy,” Heechul, the owner of the bar, told Jongdae. “Go up there and finish them off.”

“Not today, Heechul,” Jongdae answered, dragging his words a bit. “I don’t have a song to play this week.” Everyone stared at him agape. Jongdae hadn’t missed a single Friday night song ever since he started uni.

“Then play an old one. You know there’s people who stay this long only to hear you sing.” Heechul signaled to the crowd, who was looking at them, obviously expecting the most talented and known performer of the bar to go up on the stage and perform.

“Sorry, man. I can’t today,” Jongdae said, getting up and blinking a few times. He had drunk more than he had intended to and, even if he could hold his alcohol, seven shots of vodka didn’t come easy to anyone.

Everyone was looking at him like they had never seen him before, but Junmyeon turned to Heechul to apologize as Jongdae headed to the door. They all got up to follow him, and Baekhyun looked at the stage. It looked sad and lonely, like it missed Jongdae as much as everyone in the bar did. Heechul told them not to worry and climbed on the stage to call off the performances for the day.

All of his friends followed Jongdae into the street, Yixing staying close by and watching him closely to make sure he didn’t fall. His steps weren’t very coordinated, and they all looked at each other, worrying about what was it that had bothered him. Jongdae would never purposely miss a performance at Apolo, and he definitely wouldn’t get drunk right before one.

They had all gotten to their apartment building and were walking up the stairs with Jongdae in the middle of all of them when he turned around and faced Baekhyun. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he almost shouted, but it wasn’t the shouting that made everyone quiet. Jongdae never swore.

“Me?” asked Baekhyun, looking dazzled.

“No, my fucking grandmother. Of course it’s you. Why the fuck would you come today of all days?” Jongdae was breathing heavy, and he had a look that Baekhyun had never seen before in his eyes.

“I’ve been to Apolo a lot of times. I didn’t see why today was dif⎯?

“Of course it was fucking different and you fucking know it.” That was f-word number five in less than thirty seconds. Everyone had kind of forgotten how to breathe by now. “You’ve never shown interest in seeing the performances in Apolo before, and it was fucking _fine._ I get Apolo, and you get every other club in this city. Why did you have to ruin it?”

Baekhyun had been confused, but now he was mad. “The world doesn’t revolve around you. I went because I felt like going out and my _friends_ were going and I like the place and I don’t have to fucking explain myself to you.”

“Guys,” Junmyeon tried to break them apart, they were standing so close he feared they may get physical any time, but Sehun grabbed his arm and shook his head at him.

 _“_ We aren’t friends!” Jongdae shouted. “You don’t get to come cheer on me when I perform because you’re not my fucking friend! We don’t go out together and we don’t talk about our days and we definitely don’t fucking sleep together so stop fucking messing with how things are! We are not fucking friends!” Jongdae was apparently using all of the curse words he hadn’t used in five years in this single conversation.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Baekhyun was looking at him, the situation so ridiculous he wanted to laugh. “I just thought that we were finally starting to be civil around each other. You may not be able to stand my presence but I fucking know how to behave like an adult.” He looked at Jongdae with disgust, and everyone looked at him with surprised. He was never this serious, and he never argued with anyone. He was usually okay with whatever. “If you can’t get over the fact that you’re not gonna get along with everyone you meet it’s not my fault, but I’m not going to stop doing the things I wanna do just because you act like a five-year-old. Grow the fuck up.” He walked past all of them, pushing Jongdae aside, and opened the door to his apartment, closing it behind him without as much as a look to where they all stood, perplexed.

The hall was suddenly too quiet, the soft twitching of a light bulb the only thing that moved in the next few moments.

Chanyeol turned around to look at Jongdae like he had never seen him before. “What the actual fuck, Dae?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one thing i wanted to clear up is that this fics doesn't take place in any specific part of the world. its not korea and its not like the us its just a place somehwere sometime where they speak english and have great beer but i wanted baek to be interested in spanish history bc im spanish and thats the only history that i can make puns about and references to lol


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where everyone is just very passive aggresive and it's kind of annoying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry for not posting in over a week but life has gotten in the way. i didn't want to revise this chapter because i really fucking love chapter 7 and that was all i wanted to read lol this week is extremely busy so i wont be able to write until at least next tuesday but i already have chapter 7 and all i need is to proofread it, so it will be coming sometime this week cause i dont want to leave you guys hanging  
> thank you so much for all your comments and kudos, i really appreciate them <3

Baekhyun wasn’t sure whether he wanted to cry or punch someone. He might eventually do both, but he was too tired to do anything but sit down on his bed and put his head between his hands, bowing down. He wasn’t drunk, but he had drunk a couple of beers and he had never been good with alcohol. Chanyeol always teased him about it, saying he was a lightweight, but he had never had to spend $60 on alcohol just for one night, so he was the real winner here, in his eyes.

He sighed loudly, turning around to look at the closed door of his bedroom and the silence that stood behind it. His friends hadn’t followed him, so they were probably having the “what the fuck, man” conversation with Jongdae that Baekhyun should probably have later, when they were both sober.

He wasn’t usually like that. He was a laid-back guy, and he was nice and charming enough that he very rarely argued with someone, much less in the tone they had both used. Baekhyun didn’t get mad very often, nor did he do it easily. Jongdae was exasperating, because one day he felt like he hated his guts, and the next he was acting nice and maybe even friendly and Baekhyun never knew where he stood with him.

It had always been like this, but Baekhyun felt like lately it had been more contrasting, and after tonight’s fight he decided he couldn’t bear it anymore. As tiring as spending time with someone who hated you was, spending it when you didn’t know whether they would hate or tolerate you was worse.

He would just stay out of his way, maybe ask Chanyeol for his timetable so he could make sure not to bump into him. He was already swamped with work, and he didn’t need another time-consuming relationship added to that. He had had enough of those.

He was still mad, though. Deciding to get away from the frustrating thing doesn’t mean you get to get away from the frustration itself. It was a start, however, and he was too tired to be mad forever. It was 4:30 am, his friends still hadn’t come home, and he was exhausted. Sleep first, frustrating neighbors later.

Baekhyun woke up when the sun was up in the sky, and cursed under his breath for forgetting to close the blinds. He was only kind of hungover, so that was good. His legs were cramped and he had somehow managed to make his hair stick up, but he wasn’t feeling too bad. That is, until he remembered what had happened the night before. He groaned and hid his head under the blankets, hating the way his stomach sunk at the memory of Jongdae standing in the hallway, words slurry from the alcohol, and the brutal way his voice had cut through the air. Baekhyun wasn’t particularly affected by the words because, in all honesty, he didn’t even understand what he had meant, but the _tone._ Oh God, the tone. Baekhyun had heard that tone before, multiple times, in fact, and it wasn’t a nice one. It was the tone you used to purposefully hurt someone, to inflict a new meaning to the words you were saying, when you wanted the other person to absolutely feel like they were worthless.

And it worked, too. It used to make him feel like he deserved it, like the way he was being talked to was something he had earned, because he was just that useless and dumb. But not anymore, no. He had removed all toxic people from his life, started anew, and those words couldn’t get to him anymore. What made him mad, and scared, was that Jongdae, someone who didn’t even know him, despised him enough to have talked like that. It surprised and scared him, but he was done with this. He was done being nice, and he was more than done with trying to get along with people who had no respect for him.

He got up and jumped into the shower, ready to start a new day with something else than shitty people on mind. He allowed himself extra time, wondering how many minutes he could take before Minseok started yelling about how his shower was ruining the planet, but the voice never came. He got out and dried himself, picking up his phone from where he had left it the night before. It was dead, so he plugged it in and read his messages, seeing that the others had agreed on going out for breakfast. It was past 12pm, so he was very much late to breakfast, but he figured he could do brunch by himself, because he hadn’t eaten in over 16 hours and he was starving.

He opened the door of his room to walk into the living room and make himself some banana pancakes, only to see Jongdae sitting on the couch. He turned around and quickly got up when he saw Baekhyun, and he just stood there, watching him with a wary look.

Baekhyun tried to keep his face straight, but he was too surprised to care much. All the anger the shower had pushed down came back up bubbling. “You didn’t yell at me enough last night?” he said, trying to sound as calm as possible as he headed to the kitchen.

“Baek, listen, I’m—"

“No,” Baekhyun interrupted. He made sure to insert every piece of disgust he felt for him in his words, almost spitting them. “I’m not interested in what you have to say. I heard plenty last night, and I have no interest in listening to it again now that I’m sober.”

Jongdae looked like he hadn’t expected Baekhyun to say no. “I was a jerk. I know that. I messed up. You didn’t deserve that, but if you could just—“

“I said no,” Baekhyun turned around and faced Jongdae. His gaze was hard, like he was hoping for lightning to strike Jongdae. “I don’t want to listen to you and whatever kind of bullshit apology Junmyeon helped you make, I don’t want to hear your voice, I don’t want to see your face, and I definitely don’t want you in my fucking apartment. So, unless someone invites you, how about you stay the fuck away from me? I’ll make sure to do the same.” He wasn’t looking at Jongdae anymore, like seeing his face really disgusted him, and he had turned to finish his brunch, making sure Jongdae caught the not-so-indirect hint that he wanted him gone.

Jongdae stood there, perplexed and with a look of hurt surprise on his face. Baekhyun wasn’t looking at him, and he was obviously not willing to hear him out, but he had to _do_ something.

“Okay,” he swallowed. “I’ll leave you alone. But, for the record, I _am_ sorry.” That said, he turned around and left, leaving Baekhyun alone in a silent apartment. He didn’t see the way Baekhyun had cut the bananas, almost crushing them with his fist; and Baekhyun didn’t see the way Jongdae leaned on the door of his apartment, forehead pressed against it and eyes closed as if to stop the tears from coming.

 

*******

 

It had been a strange week. Everyone had walked on eggshells around Baekhyun, like they both pitied and were afraid of him. They had told him they weren’t having lunch in the cafeteria, but when he had passed by, he had seen them all around a table. He had arrived home on Wednesday to find the apartment empty, and when he had questioned Chanyeol about it, he had said they were eating tacos.

Baekhyun was fuming. He didn’t understand why his friends were siding with Jongdae and he was the one being punished when it had been Jongdae who had started it. Even Chanyeol was ignoring him, barely making any conversation, and he could almost say he lived alone because _no one_ was alone when he was awake. He only knew they still lived there because he could see the dishes in the kitchen.

By Friday, he was done and exhausted and just _sick_ of being treated like the bad guy. He woke up to only Yixing in the apartment, downing a coffee in a rush, like he knew Baekhyun would be awake soon and was trying to avoid him. The sight only made Baekhyun angrier, and he stood in front of him, hands on his hips. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Yixing said, not even looking up from his coffee.

“You’ve been ignoring me all week. _All_ of you. Like _I_ was the jerk.”

“You were both idiots. We’ve been ignoring you both.”

Baekhyun couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What? What the hell did I do?”

“You did exactly the same thing he did.” Yixing was looking at him now, like he was talking to a child. “You lashed out at him when he’d done nothing, and he’d come here to _apologize._ We don’t like either of you very much right now, and we refuse to be caught in the middle of this. You want to act like five-year-olds, fine. Just not in front of us.”

“You’re ignoring me because I didn’t want to forgive him? Did you hear the way he talked to me?”

“Yes, I did,” Yixing was looking at him like he was disappointed. “And I also know how you talked to him, because that’s how you talk to anyone who ever wrongs you, ever. You didn’t have to forgive him, but you owed him a chance to explain. You accused him of being a child, but you behaved the exact same way right after.”

Baekhyun looked at him, standing with his mouth open and a look of disbelief on his face. “I did nothing wrong. I don’t owe him anything.”

“No, you don’t,” Yixing agreed. “But if you cared about how we felt at all, and if you were a fucking adult, you would’ve let him talk before you told him to never show his face in here again. Being treated like shit doesn’t give you an excuse to treat others like shit.”

“I only told him to not come when he wasn’t invited,” Baekhyun mumbled, feeling guilty. He hadn’t thought about his friends at all, the way all of this put them in an uncomfortable situation. They had already dealed with a lot, and they had always said they didn’t mind the tension that always stood between them, but back then Baekhyun hadn’t done anything to stir it up.

“You hold people to such high standards, and then lash out when they don’t meet them, it’s scary,” Yixing walked closer and Baekhyun looked at him like he didn’t know what he was talking about. “You also hold yourself up to those standards, which is the only reason any of us tolerate you at all, but they’re not healthy.” Yixing ran his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair affectionately. “You expect people to be perfect, to never make a mistake, you treat them like you’re expecting them to fail, and when they do you act like you were right, like you’d been right in treating them like that because they _did_ mess up, in the end.” Yixing looked into Baekhyun’s eyes like he was looking for an explanation, but all he found was Baekhyun staring at him like he had never seen him before. “People are going to mess up, Baek. We’re only human. You can’t hold them up to it all the time.” This said, Yixing pressed a kiss to Baekhyun’s forehead, grabbed his bag and left, leaving a startled Baekhyun in the kitchen, alone.

It wasn’t the first time someone had told him that. It was the main reason he had split from his first girlfriend after almost a year. In the final fight that had led to the breaking up, she had told him he wasn’t able to look past her mistakes, however tiny, and that she was tired of having to live up to his standards. It hadn’t been a pretty fight, and they hadn’t talked since.

Baekhyun knew he was right, because he held himself up to the same standards, if not higher. He always beat himself up even for the tiniest mistake, and he always felt _betrayed_ whenever someone close to him did, like they had been purposefully trying to hurt him, even if the mistake had nothing to do with him.

He had grown up in a very open, free house. His parents didn’t yell or punish him, always encouraging him to do better, always reminding him that he was great and they were proud. Instead of slacking off, this had made him grow addicted to the nice words, to the feeling of doing good. He always did his best, because he had never done anything else. He had seen people fuck up badly and not care, and it infuriated him. Why try, if you’re not gonna do you best?

He sighed, rushing through breakfast because now he was gonna be late. He liked to open the library and be the first person inside, apart from whoever oversaw the counter that day. Maybe that was one of his high standards.

He barely got any work done, though, like he had barely gotten anything done all week, because all he could think about was Jongdae and Yixing and how maybe he had messed up. He wasn’t sure he could forgive Jongdae, because he knew what those words could do if he allowed him to, but perhaps he could give him a chance to explain and maybe clear the air up a bit.

He got home soon that afternoon, knowing that he wouldn’t get any work done until he fixed things. He walked into the apartment to find everyone —except Jongdae, that is— around the living room kitchen, beer in hand. Twice’s ‘Cheer Up’ was loud in his ears as he headed towards them, and they didn’t even acknowledge his presence until he cleared his throat. They all looked up at him, waiting.

“I’m sorry,” he said, not knowing how else to start. “I put you guys in an uncomfortable situation and I didn’t think about how you’d feel. I’ve been in a terrible mood all week and I blamed it on you and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon smiled reassuringly at him from his seat on Sehun’s lap. “Apology accepted. It’s not us you’ve treated like shit, though.” He looked at him knowingly, softly nodding his head towards the door.

Baekhyun sighed. “I don’t even know how to do it.”

“Well, you should probably knock on his door first. He’s all alone, now, and we’d all like to go to the _Apolo_ tonight for his show,” Minseok said, looking very small from his sitting position on the floor.

“And then you can come and explain why the fuck you reacted the way you did,” Kyungsoo said softly. “There’s something more bothering you and we can’t help because you haven’t talked about it, but from the looks of it, you should.”

Baekhyun nodded, turning around to leave his things in his room. He was lucky to have friends like this, who put up with his bullshit and were calm and understanding. He really did love them, and it scared him to think that he had hurt them in any way.

He made a mental note to invite everyone to dinner sometime soon, and headed towards the apartment across the hall. He played with his fingers a bit, giving himself a pep talk and trying to calm down his nerves. He lifted his hand to knock on the door when it suddenly opened to reveal Jongdae. His hair was a mess, his skin was breaking out and he had smudged eyeliner under his eyes. His clothes looked like they had been slept in, and he was looking at Baekhyun with wide eyes.

“Hi,” he said, cautious.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun blurted out. He didn’t know how many times he had said those words that day. “For not giving you a chance to apologize. I accused you of being a jerk and then I behaved the exact same way and I said you were childish but then I threw a tantrum and blamed everyone and I’m sorry. You deserved at least a chance to explain.”

Jongdae looked like Baekhyun had just told him that his dog had grown wings and flown away, but he recomposed himself quickly. “It’s okay. I deserved it.”

“Yes, you did. But it still wasn’t right and it put everyone in a very awkward situation and I didn’t think about anyone but myself.”

“Well, I can’t blame you,” Jongdae laughed a bit, and then took a step to the side and opened the door wide. “Wanna come in?” When Baekhyun wavered a bit, Jongdae added, “I still haven’t apologized, and you deserve an explanation. Junmyeon helped me make a great speech.” They both chuckled at that, because it was exactly what Baekhyun had accused him of.

Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, Baekhyun thought as he stepped inside and the door closed behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae and baekhyun have a heart to heart and maybe become friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to make you guys wait for his a bit more bc i won't be posting at least until tuesday, but i really really really love this chapter and i wanted you guys to read it already so her eu have it  
> i hope u enjoy!! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3

Jongdae was about to vomit.

He hadn’t expected Baekhyun to show up at his apartment and _apologize_ and be all _cute_ and messy and look genuinely _sorry_ and actually give him a chance to explain because he had fucked up _badly_ and he wouldn’t have given himself another chance and yet here he was wanting to _hear him out_ and looking incredibly at home in his apartment and oh my God Jongdae had no idea what to do next.

Luckily, Baekhyun didn’t notice Jongdae freaking out and he walked straight to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. “You want anything?” he yelled at Jongdae, who was still in the main entrance.

“I’m fine,” Jongdae said, playing with his hands as he walked to the living room and sat in the recliner that was in front of the couch. He needed as much space as he could get from Baekhyun for this conversation or he might start crying.

“I can’t believe how many dirty dishes you guys have,” Baekhyun said, emerging from the kitchen. “Minseok would have a stroke if he saw them.”

Jongdae laughed, a bit forcefully, and looked down as Baekhyun sat in front of him. He could feel his stare on him and he wanted to hide, but they needed to talk. Jongdae sighed and looked up to meet Baekhyun’s eyes. “I don’t know where to start.”

Baekhyun sat back and only nodded, like he had all the time in the world. Jongdae tried to put his ideas in order, but they were all yelling at him and he couldn’t get a grasp on them. “I hated you,” he blurted out, and then looked down, embarrassed.

Baekhyun didn’t look mad, only confused. “Why?”

Jongdae sighed again. “My parents loved you. When we moved into your street, our parents got along so well that they assumed we would get along really well, too. I don’t know why, but it made me so mad that they were constantly inviting you guys over. I hated going to your house.” He stole a brief look at Baekhyun. “You had an awesome older sister who always played with us and baked you muffins and your parents always told you that they loved you. You had a dog and a big garden and everyone liked you _so much._ I guess I was jealous? I don’t know.”

He got up and started pacing through the room, too focused on his memories to notice the way Baekhyun’s gaze followed him. “It wasn’t that bad until we started high school. You were… glowing. Everyone loved you and you thrived on the attention. You were so comfortable in your own skin, and I hated myself for not being like that. Every time we went to your house for dinner your parents would talk about how well you were doing in school and how proud they were of you. You were a History nerd and no one gave you crap because you made _History_ seem _cool_.”

“It _is_ cool,” Baekhyun said softly, and Jongdae stopped his pacing to look at him. He was smiling, but it was tense and it seemed more like a frown. He looked away and leaned on the kitchen table, his back to Baekhyun

“You came out two days after I did,” he whispered, looking at his hands in front of him. “It took me so long to tell my parents, it took me so long to kiss Gabriel, but I did and I was so happy and so excited about telling my friends and the people at school.” He smiled, a soft smile that made his eyes wrinkle in the corners. “I finally felt free. And then I went to school on Monday, and all that everyone was talking about was how you had spent the weekend making out with you hot college boyfriend in someone’s party. You even came out better than I did. I thought I was so brave for kissing Gabriel in front of my parents and you had already had sex with someone three years older.” Jongdae looked at Baekhyun, almost laughing form the irony of it all.

“Then the junior musical came. I was so excited, I had never sung in public before and I knew that no one else wanted the main vocal part. I loved singing so much, it made me feel so _free_ …” Jongdae cleared his throat. “And then you came.” He looked at Baekhyun. “You suddenly showed up and sang and it was only okay but the director loved you and everyone loved you and it was a popular vote so of course you were going to get it because you were Byun Baekhyun and you always got everything you wanted.” Jongdae laughed bitterly. “I was so mad. I was so angry when I got home that my mum made me run two kilometers so I would calm down. The next day we had the final audition and you fucked so badly that the director laughed at said that you were disqualified and the role was mine, but it didn’t matter.” Jongdae looked at Baekhyun, gaze fixed in his eyes. Baekhyun looked at Jongdae like he had no idea what to say. His expression showed surprise and something that Jongdae couldn’t quite recognize. He patted the spot next to him on the couch, and Jongdae, calmer now, sat down next to him. “The worst part of it is that you were so _nice_. There’s a reason why everyone always loved you, you know. You’re nice and cute and funny and you always treat people with respect. There’s no logical reason for me to not like you.” Jongdae shook his head, like he didn’t believe what he had just said.

“Feelings don’t act according to logic or reason, Dae,” Baekhyun said softly, using the nickname that he had heard his friends use many times, but never said himself. “You felt like I was wronging you, and it hurt you. It’s okay to be mad.”

“It just seemed like you always did everything I did, but better. Your parents were prouder, you had more friends, better grades, a better boyfriend —music and singing was the only thing that I knew you sucked at, but you even came after that. That’s why I—” he cut off, looking away, embarrassed. “That’s why I acted that way the other day. I felt like you were mocking me by coming to the _Apolo_ , it was my safe space and you were there, reminding me of everything I had ever done wrong. I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have because you’re great and you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry, Baek.” Jongdae looked at him, like he was expecting Baekhyun to tell him he was insane. Baekhyun, instead, closed his eyes and sighed, a sigh that made him sound much, much older.

“I didn’t come out,” he whispered, so softly that Jongdae almost didn’t hear him. “I didn’t come out,” he repeated, louder. “Mi parents found me in bed with Leo —the hot college boyfriend.” He had meant it as a joke, but it sounded bitter. “We were just kissing, not even making out, but it was enough. We had the most awkward conversation of my life and I spent two hours trying to get them to understand the concept of bisexuality; because they were so mad that I had had girlfriends before and that I would ‘use girls in such a way’.” He laughed, but it sounded more like choking. “They wanted to be understanding and supportive but they just didn’t know how and I knew they would start talking to people and mentioning it so everyone would know how supportive they were, so I decided to do it myself. I introduced Leo to everyone that weekend, and so everyone knew.” He looked at Jongdae, eyes shiny. “I didn’t come out, Jongdae. I was forced out.”

Jongdae looked at him, eyes wide and not knowing what to say. God, he had been so stupid —what was it that his parents always said? Don’t ever think that you know every side to a story.

“And the musical… I don’t know what to tell you,” Baekhyun continued. “I have always loved music but I never had the courage to pursue it. When I saw you, it made me feel like a coward, and when they announced the musical… I thought ‘hey, I should give it a try’. I was so nervous during the first audition, I knew there were so many people there watching.” He shook his head, like trying to get rid of the memory. “I did it okay, but then I went backstage and I heard these girls talking. They were saying that I was gonna get the role because I was popular, how I was only a pretty face and you deserved the role so much more than I did because you had worked your ass off.” Baekhyun shrugged, looking at Jongdae. “I purposefully fucked up that second audition. They were right, you know.” Baekhyun leaned on the couch like he couldn’t support his own weight anymore. “You did deserve it more. And you were better. But I didn’t want you to think that I was handing you the role, so I just… fucked up. The videos of that day are kind of funny, actually.” He smiled briefly, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Jongdae was lost. He couldn’t believe he had gotten everything so wrong. He was embarrassed and confused and he felt like an idiot. If he had been sorry before, now he felt like he was about to die from embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, Baek, I never knew—”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun interrupted. “I didn’t know how you felt either. It’s—it’s complicated. Things are complicated.” He looked at Jongdae reassuringly.

Jongdae just stared at him blankly. How had he managed to forgive him, just like that? After all the awful things he had said? “I’m sorry I judged you so wrong. I just assumed that, I don’t know, that you always got everything because you were popular.” He laughed and hid his head in his hands. “God, it’s so stupid.”

“I didn’t know that you felt that way, or I wouldn’t have gone to _Apolo_ last week.” Baekhyun confessed, causing Jongdae to look up. “I felt like I was invading but I assumed it was just because I had never been there when you were singing before.”

“You couldn’t have known, because I’m a fucking moron and never talked to you.” They both laughed at that, and the air felt lighter, somehow. “I was starting to like you —you aren’t as arrogant as I had made you out to be, and I guess I was scared that we were sort of becoming friends? I felt like I was betraying myself, and when I saw you in the public... It gave me a reason to hate you, all over again.”

“I liked that we were becoming friends,” Baekhyun said softly, like he was scared that Jongdae was going to run out. “I liked that it wasn’t awkward anymore. And, well — _I_ never hated you, you know. I’ve always thought that you were pretty cool.”

“I liked seeing your face every day,” Jongdae confessed, and Baekhyun gasped, surprised. “You always worked so hard but you seemed to have everything under control, and it calmed me. God, I sound pathetic.” Jongdae shook his head, bu Baekhyun interrupted him. “No, it makes sense. We look for what we don’t have in other people.”

They sat there in silence for a while, the quietness of the room not being awkward but a welcome presence as they both sorted through their feelings and recent discoveries. Jongdae felt so out of his element but he was glad that they had talked, and he wanted to ask if this meant that they were becoming friends. He would’ve liked that —but he knew that Baekhyun was probably mad, and he wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to talk to him again.

“So,” Baekhyun said, after a while. “Now what?”

“Now what?” Jongdae repeated, confused.

“Yeah,” Baekhyun looked at him with a soft edge in his eyes. “What do we do now?”

“Do about what?” Jongdae had apparently turned into a parrot.

“About us,” Baekhyun moved his hand between them, in the space that separated them in the couch. “We can go back to before, when we didn’t talk. I stay out of your way, and you stay out of mine. Let me know if you need to use our apartment.” Jongdae flinched at that, but he hoped he had hidden it well enough. “Or,” Baekhyun continued,” we can try and be friends. I’m not saying that we are gonna be best friends forever, but I feel like—”

“Yes,” Jongdae interrupted, and then blushed. “I mean, I would like to try that. Being friends. It sounds nicer than being, you know, not friends.” He blushed harder, kicking himself for sounding so much like he was begging.

“Friends it is, then,” Baekhyun said, smiling. “It does sound better that being not friends,” he teased, and Jongdae laughed at that, still embarrassed.

They both looked at each other, and Jongdae felt like things were finally where they ought to be. They could do this. They would do this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae has no idea what is going on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone sorry to keep you waiting but i just had the craziest week ever  
> anyway im back with more baekchen and at this point this is all honestly just fanservice of hem doing everything i want them to but i dont think anyone will complain  
> i hope you all enjoy, kudos and comments are always apprciated !!

Baekhyun waved goodbye to the cute, dorky guy behind the library counter as he left, a bunch of books in his arms, and shivered at the cold air of the December weather. He had always preferred hot weather over cold, but this was _inhumane_. He was going to freeze to death.

He walked quickly as he left campus, trying not to think about how cold his fingers felt and how much he needed them not to fall off. It wasn’t snowing, but it was supposed to snow that day and he didn’t want to be on the street when it happened.

He almost ran the last meters to his apartment, cursing loudly as he tried to open the door to the building while balancing the books in his other arm. Just as they were about to fall, a hand came out of nowhere and secured them, while another pushed the door open. Baekhyun turned around to smile gratefully at Jongdae, and they both walked in, a sudden heat surrounding them. “What do you need all those books for?” Jongdae said as they headed towards the stairs. “You don’t even have time to open them before you go to bed, and you’re always the first one in the library.”

Baekhyun shrugged at that. “Maybe if I touch them enough the knowledge will imprint on me.”

Jongdae laughed, and when they reached the hall Baekhyun turned to him as Jongdae opened the door to his apartment. As soon as the door opened they could hear loud moans coming from inside, and Jongdae didn’t even hesitate as he closed the door and walked towards where Baekhyun was standing, a wide smile on his face. “Looks like I need political refuge.”

Baekhyun chuckled at that, and motioned for Jongdae to go towards the door of his apartment. “Wait, I’ll help,” Jongdae said, reaching for Baekhyun’s arms.

“Get the keys,” Baekhyun said, nodding at the inside pocket of his coat as he balanced the books in his arms.

Jongdae fumbled with Baekhyun’s coat for a bit, trying to find the pocket among all the layers Baekhyun was wearing. He found it and put in his hand, moving his fingers to grab the keys, only to find out that it was Baekhyun’s _jeans’_ pocket he had found, and he was basically grabbing his crotch. Jongdae blushed and stepped back, but Baekhyun laughed. “Stop groping me and get the keys, Dae.” His tone was playful, and Jongdae was careful to fumble with his clothes and get the keys without any more awkward situations.

They got in and Baekhyun immediately went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, leaving Jongdae to say hi to everyone else, who were sitting in the living room, laughing and teasing. If anyone noticed Baekhyun and Jongdae arriving together, they didn’t say anything, and Jongdae was grateful for that. He was still unsure about how to act around Baekhyun, even if they had been slowly getting closer as they spent the no less awkward afternoons together. Jongdae sat down next to Junmyeon on the floor, and the latter’s hands went to his hair as he ruffled it. Jongdae looked up and gave him a dirty look as he leaned to grab one of the unopened beers in the living room table.

He was mid sip when he realized something. “Guys,” he said, looking from Junmyeon to Sehun, who was next to him. “If you’re here, who’s the one having sex in out apartment?”

Minseok laughed. “Jongin got lucky.”

“Who got lucky?” Baekhyun interrupted as he walked into the living room, his hair all messy as he played with it.

“Jongin,” Chanyeol said from where he was laying on the floor next to Minseok’s chair, barely visible.

“At seven in the afternoon? What classes does he attend?” Baekhyun asked as he plopped down next to Jongdae, and everyone chuckled at that.

“He’s been talking about her for weeks. It was about time he made a move.” Sehun nodded at his boyfriend’s words, dragging his butt to the edge of the couch so he could prop his head in Junmyeon’s shoulder.

Baekhyun smiled and stretched, yawning widely. “I’m starving.” He looked around the room and his eyes stopped on Chanyeol, who had sat up. “Let’s order pizza.” Everyone whined at that because Baekhyun always wanted pizza and they had had pizza three times last week. Baekhyun raised his arms in defeat. “Okay, okay. Chinese? Thai? I want to try that new kebab place they opened.”

Junmyeon shook his head, standing up. “I have some work stuff to do, and Sehun here is about to fall asleep. I think we’re gonna go.” Sehun made a noise from the back of his throat that sounded like he agreed.

Baekhyun booed and turned to look at Minseok and Chanyeol. “I’m in,” Minseok said, and Chanyeol nodded. “Are Kyungsoo and Yixing coming?” he asked as he took his phone out and typed, not waiting for an answer.

Chanyeol got up and walked around the room, stretching. “I want Thai. Let me hop in the shower while it arrives, I’m gross,” he said, disappearing into his room.

Baekhyun was already looking for the number of the kebab place. “I don’t think they deliver, guys.” He looked up and pouted at Minseok. “It’s so cold. Will you go pick it up?” Minseok had always had a soft spot for Baekhyun because he was the oldest and Baekhyun acted like a little kid most of the time.

Minseok didn’t even pretend like he wasn’t going to do it. “Just text Kyungsoo and Yixing to meet me there so I don’t have to wait alone.”

Baekhyun smiled brightly and got up only to sit back on the couch where Junmyeon and Sehun had left the spots when they left as he blew a kiss to Minseok. “You’re the very best,” he said as he opened the navigator on his phone and ordered. “What do you want?” he asked Jongdae, touching him on the shoulder where he was still sitting on the floor. “I know everyone’s orders but yours.”

Jongdae told him his order and got up to sit next to him, trying to leave some space between them. Baekhyun didn’t notice that, apparently, because he moved closer and pointed to his phone while he ordered, making sure he got Jongdae’s order right. Jongdae was still not used to the way Baekhyun was always so _close_ and how he was always touching the people he was with, and especially how he always touched him when they were talking, like he was trying to make sure that Jongdae knew he was paying attention. It wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward, but Jongdae felt so out of his element when he was around Baekhyun that it only added to the list of things that he had to keep up with when he hung out with him.

Minseok left to get the food with a final warning for Chanyeol to come out of the shower and Jongdae and Baekhyun were left alone in the living room. Jongdae thought about how something like this would have been impossible barely a month ago, and smiled to himself because everyone felt more relaxed now, and he had realized that he really did enjoy Baekhyun’s company. He was loud and obnoxious and made way too many dirty jokes, but when he laughed his eyes lit up and he would throw his head back and be so loud that it was almost embarrassing, but Jongdae loved to make him laugh. He was slowly discovering the things that he had missed, like the way Baekhyun always touched his shoulder before he left the room and the way his eyes went to him when he entered the room and smiled, like he was genuinely happy to see Jongdae. He had also noticed how much he cared for everyone, how much he did for them without them noticing, like buying brown sugar because it was Yixing’s favorite or cleaning up after they had all had a bit too much to drink, because he didn’t want Minseok to have to do it alone. Jongdae was starting to get to know Baekhyun like a friend would, and things were okay, great even.

They sat in the couch saying nothing for a while, before Baekhyun declared that he was bored and that they should play Mario Kart. Jongdae chuckled because Baekhyun wouldn’t admit it, but he was trying to beat Jongdae, at least once, and failing miserably. Jongdae was the best of them at Mario Kart, and Baekhyun was a real mess, but they always had so much fun because Baekhyun played dirty and Jongdae didn’t call him out, because who cared?

They were in the middle of their fifth race when Baekhyun’s stomach made a loud sound, and he wrinkled his nose while Jongdae laughed. “I’m gonna starve to death if they don’t get here soon,” Baekhyun complained, pausing the game and getting up.

“It’s not even that late,” Jongdae said, following him with his gaze as Baekhyun paced through the room. “Why do you always have so much to eat for dinner, anyway? It can’t be healthy to go to bed with your stomach that full.”

“I have pizza for breakfast, Dae. I passed the point of healthiness in regarding food a long time ago.” Baekhyun smiled at him, and dropped down on the couch next to where Jongdae was sitting, but much closer than he had been while they were playing. He lied down and placed his head in the other’s lap, and Jongdae’s hand automatically went to his hair. “I don’t eat during the day because I never have time to cook and the food they have in the cafeteria is fucking expensive, so I have all of my calories at night.” Baekhyun closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of Jongdae’s hands as they played with his hair.

Jongdae didn’t say anything, because he knew how Chanyeol treated Baekhyun and he didn’t know whether they were at the stage where Jongdae could express concern for the way Baekhyun ate. He had only seen him eat pizza, Chinese or soup in the almost three weeks since they had decided to try the being friends thing, and he couldn’t understand how Baekhyun wasn’t the size of a building yet. He knew he didn’t go to the gym, not like Jongdae did, anyway, so it really was a mystery.

Minseok, Yixing and Kyungsoo arrived then, and they walked into the living room to find Baekhyun in Jongdae’s lap, the both of them talking about their days and what they had planned for the weekend, and it was all comfortable and natural and Jongdae didn’t feel awkward at all, like this was meant to be. Chanyeol didn’t come out of his room to eat, so they assumed he had fallen asleep, and they all had dinner around the living room table, joking and laughing and throwing food at each other until Minseok looked like he was about to explode. Baekhyun sat next to Jongdae, and they shared fries and a Coke and whatever the black thing inside the kebab was, and Jongdae went home feeling happier than he had woken up that day.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae and baekhyun are two idiots in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not sorry about this chapter, but i am very very soft i love this children  
> i hope that you all enjoy this !! have a good weekend <3

Jongdae stood in front of the library, backpack in hand, looking up at the colored glass that decorated the building. It was a really beautiful building, old and imposing, and it was so strangely situated in between two very modern ones, covered in glass and stainless steel, that it would almost be out of place if it didn’t fit so well with the atmosphere of the campus. Jongdae wasn’t sure what he was doing here, but he had no classes on Fridays and he had just gone with what his gut told him. He didn’t have a reason to be nervous, honestly. He was just doing what any friend would. Still, the hand that was holding the backpack was white at the knuckles, and he was sure he had forgotten to breathe for the last five minutes at least.

He shook his head and walked towards the door, a wave of heat surrounding him as he entered. There was an old lady in the counter, and she looks at him from head to toe before deciding that he wasn’t a threat and going back to her book. Jongdae unbuttoned his coat as he walked towards the stairs and went up to the third floor, to the History section. He walked in and smiled at the girl at the counter, who didn’t even react to his entrance. Jongdae looked around the room looking for a red head, and found Baekhyun sitting alone in a table so full of books and papers that no one could even sit there, honestly. Jongdae walked awkwardly towards him, waiting for Baekhyun to notice his presence, and sighed when he tapped his shoulder, winning a surprised noise from Baekhyun.

“Hi,” Baekhyun said, brows up and eyes wide, like this was the last place he expected to see Jongdae in.

“Hi,” Jongdae motioned to the chair next to Baekhyun, asking for permission to sit next to him, and Baekhyun nodded and tried to messily clean up a spot on the table so Jongdae could put his backpack there. “So,” Jongdae started, thankful that Baekhyun couldn’t notice how nervous he was while he was whispering. “I brought you lunch. I didn’t like the idea of you not eating anything the whole day, and I always cook for myself, so I thought I’d make double and we could eat together.” He didn’t look at Baekhyun while he spoke, and only when he was finished he looked up to find Baekhyun smiling widely at him. “You don’t have to, of course. But I thought it’d be nice?” Baekhyun smiled even more at that, and he closed his books and got up, grabbing his coat from the chair and looking at the table.

“I’ll continue later. Come on, the cafeteria is gonna be packed at this hour. I know a place.” Baekhyun grabbed Jongdae’s hand and half dragged him towards the door. “I’ll be back later,” he said to the girl behind the counter with a wink, and she just nodded and resumed her study of the notes she had propped in front of her.

They walked out to the cold December air. It had started raining lightly, and they hurried towards an open door in the building of the laboratories as the small drops hit their faces. Jongdae couldn’t see anything, his glasses all fogged, so he blindly followed Baekhyun as he took him to a small room to the right of the door. There was not much there except a dirty blackboard and some cushions on the floor. He looked at Baekhyun as he took his coat off and sat on the floor, brows lifted, questioning.

“They haven’t used this room in ages,” Baekhyun said, patting the cushion next to his for Jongdae to sit. “We found it a couple of months into our freshman year, and we’ve kept it clean ever since. The professors know about it, but they don’t really care. It’s too small to be a classroom, and it’s so far away from the other buildings that they can’t even use it as a storage room.” Jongdae was looking at him from above his glasses and Baekhyun laughed and grabbed them, touching Jongdae’s face softly as he did, to clean them with his sweater. “So. What’s for lunch?” he asked, looking up to Jongdae.

Jongdae grabbed his bag and took a couple of food containers. “I wasn’t sure what you liked so I brought options. We have burrito filling,” he said, opening the big container, filled with black beans, tomato and some sauces. He opened the second one. “We have rice noodles with soy sauce and vegetables,” he closed it and took the last one out. “And also peanut and jelly sandwiches. I guessed I couldn’t be wrong with those,” he laughed awkwardly, hoping that Baekhyun wouldn’t notice how much he hoped that he would like his cooking. Baekhyun was looking at him fondly, eyes soft in the corners and he was smiling so big that Jongdae felt his heart jump as Baekhyun put his glasses back on.

“Well, it all sounds delicious. Come on,” he said, grabbing the nearest food container and a spoon from Jongdae’s bag and filling his mouth. “Hmmm,” he moaned around it, closing his eyes as Jongdae looked at him, anxious. He said something else, but Jongdae couldn’t understand his words as he talked around the food in his mouth.

“Eat slowly. You’ll make yourself sick,” he said, more relaxed now, as he grabbed his own fork to eat the noodles.

Baekhyun laughed and reached for his water bottle to swallow. “I didn’t know you could cook like this. Why didn’t we become friends sooner?” he said with a light tone, and Jongdae felt relieved.

“I promise I’ll make up for every time I was an ass to you with food,” he said, grabbing the bottle that Baekhyun was offering him. “I forgot to bring water, sorry.” He tried not to sound too pathetic.

“It’s okay. You bring the food, I bring the tap water. Teamwork,” Baekhyun said as he ate some more burrito filling. “How come you’re free to cook? Don’t you have class or something?”

“Not really,” Jongdae answered, swallowing too soon and breaking into a cough. “Sorry. Since I’ve been here for six years now, I’m mostly done with theory classes. I only really have one this year, and the rest are about presenting songs and helping freshmen and stuff. I need to have a 10 song project done by the end of the year so I can graduate, so I’m working on that.”

“So your graduation project is like an album?” Baekhyun asked as he bit into his food, eyes on Jongdae’s.

“Yeah,” Jongdae said. “It’s supposed to show how much I have improved these years, and I have to perform it in front of everyone at the end of the year.”

“How’s it going? Like how many songs do you have?”

“Eh,” Jongdae said, looking away. “Not many. I have this song that has been bothering me for a while now, and I can’t seem to focus on the other ones because that one is the only thing I think about. I’ve been performing old songs at _Apolo_ for a while now, because I’m too busy to write a song a week and focus on the project.”

“I can’t imagine what writing songs is like,” Baekhyun said, licking his fingers and putting the container down. “Sometimes I’ll be listening to a song and I’ll go ‘man, how I wish I had written that’ because the lyrics just fuck me up.”

Jongdae sighed, nodding. “That’s kind of my goal. I want to write songs about me that other people can relate to. Those are the kind of songs that get stuck in your head for weeks.”

Baekhyun nodded, not saying anything. Jongdae loved this part of their conversation where they would both be quiet, and the silence would be appreciating, not awkward. He knew that they were both thinking about what they had just talked about, and it felt comforting, knowing that Baekhyun was as into music as Jongdae, even if they lived it in different ways. That’s why it surprised him to hear Baekhyun’s voice, asking: “What’s your favorite song? Like, the song that you always go to for comfort?”

“Taylor Swift’s _Long Live,_ ” he answered, maybe too quickly. “Please don’t laugh.”

“I would never,” Baekhyun said, smiling. “I don’t think I know it.”

Jongdae took his phone out. “I’ll play it for you.”

They listened to the song in comfortable silence, Baekhyun leaning towards Jongdae to hear it better. Jongdae didn’t miss the way Baekhyun touched his knee, or the way his head was resting on his shoulder by the time the song ended, and how he didn’t pull away as the next song started.

“It’s hopeful,” Baekhyun said, eyes closed. “It fits you.”

Jongdae nodded, maneuvering them so he could rest his back against the wall and Baekhyun could keep his head on his shoulder. “I want to live like that. No regrets, no sadness when saying goodbye.” He was lost in thought, and his hand went to smooth Baekhyun’s hair on its own. “I want to be able to look at the good stuff when I’m older, and feel like I lived the way I wanted.” His voice was muffled by Baekhyun’s hair, and he felt the older one say something. “Hm?” he asked.

“You know my hair can’t hear you, right?” Baekhyun chuckled a bit, and Jongdae blushed.

“Sorry,” he said, louder. “I was just rambling.”

“The way you feel about music is the way I feel about History. Only, most people I’d like to talk to have been dead for centuries.”

Jongdae loved the way Baekhyun’s voice sounded when he was joking, melodious and soft. “If you could have dinner with five dead people, who would they be?”

“Oh, that’s a hard one.” Baekhyun moved closer to Jongdae, laying with his head on the other’s lap as Jongdae moved his hand to keep on caressing Baekhyun’s hair. “Hypatia of Alexandria would be the first one for sure. She was brilliant, and she broke so many barriers. She was so influential that the Christian Church has to make up a saint that was basically her, but Christian and not pagane. They even made a movie about her.”

“I think I’ve seen it.” Jongdae said, looking down at Baekhyun, who had his eyes closed.

“Martin Luther would be another one. Anyone who just creates a new religion because he thinks that the Church is bullshit is worth meeting,” Baekhyun laughed, and Jongdae was careful not to disturb him when he chuckled, too. “And then… Thomas de Mahy. He lived in the 18th Century, and he was a soldier, not even captain or anything. He didn’t do much, but when he was convicted of treason and to be executed, his last words when reading his death warrant were ‘I see that you have made three spelling mistakes’. That man is a legend.”

Jongdae laughed loudly, and Baekhyun opened his eyes to watch him, head thrown back and looking at the ceiling as he caught his breath. “That’s a good one. I want to meet him too.”

“The last two… Frida Kahlo, probably. She was brilliant, and one of the mothers of modern feminism. I like to think that she would approve of me, but maybe I don’t want to find out,” Baekhyun was still looking at Jongdae, who was no longer looking at him. He looked so much younger like this, relaxed and smiling. “And for the fifth, I’m not sure.” He tried to think of someone, but Jongdae was looking down at him now, and it was much too distracting. He closed his eyes, trying to think of someone, anyone. “Marsha P. Johnson,” he said suddenly. “She was the one who threw the first stone at the Stonewall riots. We don’t know much about her, even today, and she was found dead, floating in the river. We still don’t know what happened, but she lived surprisingly long for a black, trans woman.” Baekhyun’s voice was softer with every word, and they were both serious now. “She was bisexual, too, and an icon in her time. We don’t talk about her nearly enough, especially in the LGBT community, but she made a lot of things possible for us. She fought for our rights, and if I can be open about my sexuality today it’s because of her, partly.”

They didn’t talk after that, both lost in thought. It was a comfortable silence, their breaths the only sound in the room as Jongdae continued to stroke Baekhyun’s hair, Baekhyun’s hand resting just below Jongdae’s stomach.

It was weird, Jongdae thought. He was a very touchy person, they both were, but while Baekhyun seemed to be like that with everyone, it usually took Jongdae a lot of confidence and time to be completely free with other people. It was Baekhyun’s effect, it seemed. He made everyone feel safe and comfortable, and he had always been touchy with their friends, so it only made sense that he would be touchy with Jongdae, too. What Jongdae wasn’t expecting was for himself to initiate the contact, like he had most of the times they had hung out. It was like Baekhyun was waiting until Jongdae started it to do so himself, and Jongdae was thankful for that. It showed that Baekhyun cared about his feelings and whether he was comfortable, and he kicked himself again for being a jerk to him. He liked him, and their personalities matched really well and he wished he hadn’t been so thick so they could have been friends for longer.

Baekhyun’s breathing had evened now, and Jongdae realized that he had fallen asleep. He looked so pretty when he slept, younger and more human, somehow. He was cute, funny, nice and supportive, and he didn’t laugh at the stupid things that Jongdae said, and he was so glad that they were friends. He could only hope that Baekhyun felt the same way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baekhyun comforts jongdae and these two should just get married already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my favorite thing i've ever written. enjoy! i'll be back with more soon <3  
> kudos and comments are always appreciated. i may not respond to all because i honestly don't know what to say apart from thank you every time, but i read them all and i jump from joy when you let me know you're enjoying this. thank you for being great readers

A loud noise woke Baekhyun up.

He had been peacefully sleeping in his bed after a long day at the library when Jongdae stormed into the room and closed the door behind him with a bang. Baekhyun sat up, startled, and rubbed his eyes as he looked at what seemed like a very nervous, freaking out Jongdae. He had started pacing the room and wasn’t even looking at Baekhyun, something that he honestly found confusing because he had just come to his room without saying anything.

“What’s—” Baekhyun started, but Jongdae suddenly turned to him and spoke.

“Minseok kissed me. Oh my God, Minseok kissed me and I freaked out and I ran away and he’s in my apartment right now.” Baekhyun was definitely surprised, but he wasn’t sure if it was because Minseok had finally made a move, because Jongdae had run away or because he had run to _him._ “And why wouldn’t he? We’ve been dating! I didn’t know but, yeah, we have been dating and—”

“What?” Baekhyun interrupted. “What do you mean you’ve been dating and you didn’t know?”

“Like a month ago he told me he would like to spend more time with me and apparently that was him asking me out? And I thought he just wanted us to be closer because he’s newer to the group and I was like okay and we’ve been going to dinner and hanging out and doing all of this coupley stuff and I thought it was just friends stuff and I didn’t even know he was into guys and oh my God he kissed me and I ran away and he’s gonna hate me now.” Jongdae didn’t breathe once during his speech and he suddenly deflated and sat in the bed next to Baekhyun, who was trying very hard not to laugh, with his head between his hands.

“Okay, so you’ve been dating and you didn’t know.” He sat straighter, moving to rub Jongdae’s back to comfort him. “What are you gonna do now? You can’t just avoid him forever, you know.” Just as he was saying the words, they heard the entrance door close and froze.

“Oh my God,” Jongdae said in a loud whisper as he suddenly sat up, almost knocking Baekhyun off. “He lives here! Why did I come? I can’t leave now! I’m stuck in your room forever oh my God he’s gonna hate me—”

“I’ll get him to leave,” Baekhyun interrupted, now wanting Jongdae to go on another rant, further freaking himself out. “I’ll ask him to go to the store or something and you can go home, okay?” Jongdae was looking lost, but he nodded and Baekhyun got up to fix his hair.

He walked out into the living room and he spotted Minseok in the kitchen, making tea. “Hi,” he said, smiling at Minseok as he turned and sipped from his cup. “So,” he started, knowing that Jongdae was gonna hate him for this. “Jongdae is in my room freaking out.”

Minseok chuckled lightly, shaking his head. “I knew he wasn’t into me, but I needed some kind of confirmation. I didn’t expect him to run off because he didn’t know that 10 pm dinner on a Saturday night _is_ a date.”

Baekhyun laughed, trying not to be too loud so Jongdae wouldn’t suspect. “I’m not even surprised, to be honest. He’s kind of in his own world most of the time. But,” he turned to his room, making sure the door was still closed. “I promised him I’d make you leave so he could go back to his apartment, because he is too embarrassed to walk into you right now.”

“Unbelievable,” Minseok said, putting his cup down. “I get dumped and kicked out of my own apartment in the same hour.” His tone was light, and Baekhyun was glad that he didn’t seem hurt by this whole situation.

“I’ll clean that up,” he said, motioning to the disposed tea. “Are you okay? You _did_ just get dumped.”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Minseok waved his hand like it was nothing. “I knew it wouldn’t work, but he’s still hot, you know. I had to try.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Baekhyun smiled. He didn’t think of Jongdae as _hot_ , exactly, more like cute and pretty, with a soft smile, but he understood why Minseok would be interested in him.

“Go,” he motioned. “I don’t want to cause him a heart attack.”

Minseok headed towards the door, waving his hand. “I’ll be back in 20!” he yelled, and that was Jongdae’s cue to walk out of Baekhyun’s room, looking like he had just been ran by a truck.

“You do know that you’re gonna have to talk to him eventually, right?” Baekhyun turned around to wash Minseok’s cup, because he would go mad if he saw it still sitting there when he came back.

“Yeah,” Jongdae sat in one of the chairs in the kitchen with a loud sigh. “What did you tell him so he’d leave?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I told him I needed honey and we’d run out.”

“And he just went to buy it?”

“I’m that charming,” Baekhyun answered, flashing Jongdae a smile.

“You told him I was here, didn’t you?” Jongdae said accusingly.

Baekhyun couldn’t contain his laughter as he nodded and Jongdae threw a cushion at him. “Sorry, bud. He didn’t seem surprised at all, to be honest.”

Jongdae groaned out loud and Baekhyun chuckled. “Where did he go?”

“I have no idea. He’ll be back in 20, though. You should be out of here by then.”

Jongdae groaned again, and Baekhyun sat next to him and stared at him with a glint in his eyes. They hadn’t been friends for that long, but he found himself staring at Jongdae quite often. He was clumsy and kind of awkward, but he was fun to be around and Baekhyun felt that, despite their rocky start, he could talk to him about any and everything and he’d listen. They had had a thousand conversations about a million things, and Jongdae had listened to Baekhyun rant about King Felipe II of Spain for over twenty minutes without complaining once. If that wasn’t true friendship, nothing was.

Right now, however, Baekhyun was feeling bad for Jongdae, and he decided that he didn’t feel like being alone just yet. Jongdae could use the company, too. “I bet 50 that he went to tell the others what just happened.” Jongdae sat up with a panicked look, and Baekhyun had to contain his laugh. “I’ll tell him not to come home until later tonight and you can stay for dinner instead of dealing with Junmyeon when he comes back. Burritos?” he moved to the kitchen, and Jongdae followed him with his gaze.

“Why do you always make burritos?” he asked as he walked towards Baekhyun and helped him get the ingredients in the table.

“I can’t make anything else,” Baekhyun admitted. “It’s Kyungsoo who cooks, usually.”

“Where is he, by the way?” Jongdae started chopping the onions as Baekhyun instructed him.

“I’m not sure,” Baekhyun shrugged. “Studying, probably. Chanyeol and him still haven’t gotten their degree, so they have exams now. They study better together, so they usually come home late at night. I just leave them extra food in the fridge. Yixing’s working, so he won’t be home until late tonight either.”

Jongdae nodded and they worked in silence smiling at each other as they cooked the mushrooms and onions together. Jongdae made a mess of the kitchen while making the sauce, and Baekhyun laughed loudly and almost burnt the food. Jongdae took some of the sauce that had ended up in his face and smeared it on Baekhyun’s nose as the latter scrunched his face in a way that made Jongdae feel lighthearted and genuinely happy.

They ate around the kitchen table, talking about the small things and the bigger things. Jongdae told Baekhyun about his first boyfriend, Gabriel, and how they had broken up because he had cheated on Jongdae barely two months into their relationship. Baekhyun shared some drunk stories of his hook ups and the time he had ended up in a plane to London with clothes that weren’t his and no socks. Jongdae laughed at all the right parts and Baekhyun smiled wider and wider every time he did, and he found himself just wanting to see Jongdae smile for the rest of his life.

Jongdae offered to clean up while Baekhyun put a movie on, and they bickered like an old couple as Baekhyun tried to get Jongdae to watch _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , something Jongdae refused to do because he just had terrible taste in movies, honestly. Jongdae was trying to go for any _Fast & Furious_ movies, and Baekhyun made sure to inform him that there were no straight people movies allowed in the apartment. They met in the middle for a _Lord of the Rings_ marathon, seeing none of them had class the next day and Jongdae was extremely offended when Baekhyun admitted that he had never finished the first movie.

They sat on the couch, close enough that their shoulders were touching, and Jongdae would have felt awkward if this wasn’t Baekhyun, the person who spent 90 percent of his time snuggling the closest thing he could find. Baekhyun grabbed a blanket and covered the both of them, since it was December and the heater wasn’t on because college students can’t afford to do that; and he had to basically sit on Jongdae’s lap so the blanket would cover the both of them, but Jongdae didn’t seem to care. He started playing with Baekhyun’s hair, something he did often, and Baekhyun threw his leg on top of his and leaned his head on Jongdae’s shoulder, sighing happily at the warmth that surrounded him.

It was a perfectly nice, warm, comfortable evening, and Jongdae forgot everything that had happened with Minseok before as he wrapped himself around Baekhyun. This was nice, he thought, and he once again marveled at the fact that he was comfortable enough to cuddle with Baekhyun, and he found himself hoping they would do this again, with no harsh feelings, this time, because it had been a long time since he had had anyone to cuddle with, and Baekhyun was pretty and soft and warm and he was a cuddler and Jongdae found himself wondering whether he’d like to be the big or the small spoon, because they were both the same height and he couldn’t figure out which option he’d like best.

It was well past 1 am when the movie ended, and the loud music of the credits woke them up. Baekhyun moved away from Jongdae so he could stretch, and they both looked around the room, disoriented. There were dirty dishes in the kitchen, which meant that the rest had gotten home, and Jongdae couldn’t feel his leg but he was hoping that Baekhyun would just offer him to go back to sleep in the same position they were before, because he couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping alone after this.

Baekhyun moved away, sadly. He got up and turned the TV off, and he tried to take the blanket from Jongdae, which made him grab it harder and Baekhyun laugh. “Come on,” he said. “You can sleep here if you want. My bed is big enough for the both of us. But everyone else will wake up early and you do _not_ want them to find you on the couch.”

Jongdae let the blanket go, too surprised by Baekhyun’s offer to hold on. He had said it like it was such a small thing, but Jongdae had just been thinking the same, and he really, really didn’t want to go back to his apartment. Baekhyun just walked towards his bedroom, and he stopped at the door to look at Jongdae inquisitively, brows raised like he was asking permission, instead of waiting. Jongdae nodded and got up, and Baekhyun walked in and stripped off to his boxers. He put his pajamas on and he threw an old shirt at Jongdae as he turned away to give him privacy. Jongdae thanked him internally for that, and he pulled his shirt and belt off as he watched Baekhyun climb into the middle of the bed, laying on his side, palm under his head and looking at him. He felt slightly awkward, but Baekhyun’s presence was welcoming and he got into bed next to Baekhyun, noses almost touching and breaths mixing in the cold air of the room.

“Do you need an alarm for tomorrow?” Baekhyun whispered, like he was afraid that words would break the moment.

Jongdae shook his head, and Baekhyun smiled. “Good. Me neither.” He lifted his right hand to caress Jongdae’s cheek, and Jongdae felt himself blush. “Good night, Dae.” Baekhyun had already closed his eyes, and Jongdae stared at him for a moment. He looked so peaceful, so much younger, and so, so beautiful. Feeling brave, he grabbed Baekhyun’s hand that laid between them and intertwined their fingers, not looking at Baekhyun as he did so. He closed his eyes and waited for him to take his hand back, but Baekhyun softly squeezed Jongdae’s hand, smiling to himself, and that was all it took for Jongdae to drift off, hand in Baekhyun’s, like two children in a fairytale.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is like, the chapter of realizing things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to make u all wait a bit longer but i cant stop writing because these two have taken my life over  
> thank you for reading! i appreciate you all very much <3

It became a routine. They would each go on with their lives, Jongdae would bring Baekhyun lunch most days, and at night they would curl up on the couch of whatever apartment was quieter to watch a movie. They started playing rock, paper, scissors to determine who got to pick the movie each night, and Baekhyun had now not only watched all of the _Lord of the Rings_ movies, but the whole franchise of _Fast & Furious_, too. Jongdae had watched The Notebook and all of the adaptations of Jane Austen’s books, which he now adored. They didn’t sleep together as often, but it still happened a couple of times a week, usually in Baekhyun’s bed. Jongdae felt that Baekhyun’s room was a small bubble where they could act however they wished, and for Jongdae that meant cuddling Baekhyun in a way that would make their friends raise an eyebrow. It didn’t matter though, not to them, because they were comfortable and warm and they wouldn’t change these moments for anything.

Jongdae talked to Minseok and Minseok laughed and Jongdae felt better, and he kept on bringing Baekhyun lunch every day he didn’t have class, and Baekhyun started spending more and more time at Jongdae’s apartment, because his was smaller and much more crowded and Jongdae’s blankets were so much softer than theirs. He even knew how to use his shower, if that was any indication of the amount of time they spent together.

They weren’t alone all the time, though. Their friend group had gotten much closer, with them not having to maneuver around Baekhyun and Jongdae’s plans so they wouldn’t meet, and they hung out or socialized in any way pretty much every day now. They went out more often, too, now that midterms were over and Baekhyun had much less work to do. Jongdae had started going out at night more, and Baekhyun was always teasing him for not drinking but, honestly, he hadn’t drunk since that day he yelled at Baekhyun, and he wanted to be sober so he’d appreciate the way Baekhyun acted when he was drunk, cute and clumsy and flirty, even with Jongdae, who always blushed and forgot his words whenever Baekhyun made the slightest advance towards him.

They had fallen into a comfortable routine, spending most of their time together, catching up on all the things they thought they knew about each other. Baekhyun found out about Jongdae’s weird habit of only wearing light green underwear, and Jongdae found out that Baekhyun only bought books with red on the cover. Christmas came and went by, and they got each other ridiculous gifts that their friends didn’t understand, but Jongdae couldn’t look at the red boxers with Santa’s face on them that Baekhyun had gotten him without laughing, and Baekhyun was now the proud owner of all the Jane Austen books with shiny, light green covers.

They fit into each other’s lives so well, and Jongdae had memorized Baekhyun’s schedule to the point where he could tell what he was going to make for dinner based on what he had been doing that day. He had become his best friend, and Jongdae no longer felt awkward around him because Baekhyun was the only person in the world that he felt 100% comfortable with, and he would never give something like that up.

Baekhyun was currently on his way to Jongdae’s apartment, two Starbucks cups on his hands, as he ran to avoid the late January rain to make his hair wet. He hated rain, which was weird, because he came from the driest place on earth and one would have guessed that he would have liked the change, but he couldn’t understand the fascination people felt for those tiny drops of water.

He didn’t knock before he opened the door to Jongdae’s apartment, and he found Jongdae sitting on the floor in front of the couch, guitar in hand, writing something in the piece of paper that he had propped up in the living room table. Jongdae turned around with a smile and started cleaning up as he motioned for Baekhyun to sit next to him. Baekhyun was still very careful around Jongdae when it came to music, because he understood that he was very private about it and he didn’t want to intrude and make him feel uncomfortable.

Jongdae rubbed his face as he grabbed the coffee that Baekhyun was holding with a tired smiled. “Long day, huh?”

Baekhyun got rid of his coat and messily left it on the back of the couch as Jongdae sighed loudly and put his head back, like he was sighing at the sky. “I can’t get this song to sound right. I’ve been fidgeting around with it for so long, and I don’t know what’s missing.” He let out a frustrated groan, and Baekhyun reached out to comfort him as he stroked his hair.

“Don’t you have a teacher or someone you could ask for help? Isn’t it, like, their job?”

Jongdae closed his eyes, moving closer to Baekhyun. “I’ve played it for everyone already, and they all tell me there’s nothing missing.” He took a long sip from his coffee, making a face as it slightly burned his tongue. “It’s my fault, really. Why did I start writing a love song when I haven’t had a relationship in a year? I have no feelings left.” He laughed at himself, bitterly.

“I don’t think that’s the issue, though. Like, the feelings of being in love, of being heartbroken, they don’t just disappear, you don’t forget them that easily. You should still be able to write about them.”

Jongdae opened his eyes to look at Baekhyun. “The thing is, I started the song not knowing what it was going to be about. I just had this melody in my head… And now, the kind of lyrics that would go with it are not lyrics that are coming to me, like, I don’t feel that way? So, I’m stuck with this half-done song.”

“What do you mean that way? What way?” Baekhyun had stopped caressing his hair, and Jongdae adored the way he looked at him, like he had his full attention, like whatever Jongdae was saying was the most important thing in the world.

“I’ll play it for you,” Jongdae said, sitting straighter and reaching for his guitar. “You’ll see what I mean.”

Baekhyun was too perplexed to say anything. Jongdae hadn’t played in front of him in the two months since they had started being friends, not even once. This felt like a huge moment, but Jongdae looked so chill, so natural, as he grabbed his guitar and started playing with the chords. He sat on the couch looking down at Baekhyun, still on the floor, and he smiled nervously. “Be honest, okay? I need the critics to make it better.”

Baekhyun nodded, not wanting to scare him away, and Jongdae looked at him once more before he started playing the notes. A soft melody flooded the apartment as Jongdae’s quick fingers moved, and Baekhyun didn’t know where to look. Jongdae’s face was focused, his brow furrowed and his hair falling into his eyes as he played. The light came through the window in front of them and illuminated him in a way that made him look like and angel, and Baekhyun thought that he was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

_You smile, I smile,_

_We get lost in time_

Jongdae’s words startled him as he started singing and his voice echoed through the apartment.

_It’s not you, it ain’t me,_

_It’s the barefoot secrets we keep._

_Your laugh, your smile,_

_The way you look when you’re scared of the fall._

_Oh, if they only knew_

_Just how peaceful it is_

_When it’s just you and me._

Baekhyun was trying very hard not to focus on Jongdae’s lips and the way they moved as they pronounced every word, but they just looked so soft and he had always admired people’s lips. _Fuck_ , how had he not noticed before just how pretty they were?

_We capture the memories that our lips regain_

_And we spend the whole night_

_In between the sea and the salt._

_They don’t know, they can’t know,_

_The way you look when you crumble down._

_They won’t know, they can’t know,_

_Why it’s us against the night._

Baekhyun was pretty sure that he hadn’t breathed in over a minute. What the hell was breathing for, anyway?

_We keep our love in a postcard_

_We keep the secrets in a red cup,_

_We toss and we turn_

_Against the sun outside._

_It’s this love, it’s your smile,_

_It’s this comfortable life_

_That sets me up._

The pace of the song picked up, and Baekhyun was feeling overwhelmed —he didn’t know where to focus, because Jongdae was so close to him and he was playing and singing and his lips looked like they had been made to be kissed and he was saying all these beautiful things and Baekhyun didn’t know what he was thinking because he couldn’t _think_ at all.

_And we cry, you don’t smile,_

_We fight, you retire._

_And I’m alone in the night,_

_In the sea of the pictures_

_That our red cup contains._

_I’m alone in the night._

_I’m alone in the night._

_I’m alone in the night._

Baekhyun felt something warm against his cheek, and he lifted his hand to wipe it away only to find out that it was actually a tear. He didn’t remember crying, but the way Jongdae was singing, with a broken and beautiful voice, with his face choked up in a way that made it seem like he was hurting, made Baekhyun feel like maybe he was hurting, too. Maybe he was mourning, too.

_It all right, I’m all fine_

_I’ll forever remember_

_The small teacups, the weather,_

_The time savings, the postcard_

_Where we kept all our secrets_

_Of the loving smiles_

_that made us right._

Baekhyun was straight up crying now, trying very hard not to sob loudly, and Jongdae looked up as he finished the song to find him looking at him with something he didn’t recognize in his eyes. Jongdae smiled awkwardly, waiting for Baekhyun to talk, but all he could do was open his mouth once, twice, with no sound coming out.

“I’m—” Baekhyun started, not knowing what he was going to say. “I didn’t know it would feel like this.”

“Like what?”

Baekhyun laughed bitterly. “Like you’d just opened my chest with a knife.”

Jongdae stared at him, confused about what he meant. “It’s not supposed to be a sad song, Baek.”

“I know. It’s beautiful, Dae,” he said truthfully, and Jongdae left the guitar aside to pull him up on the couch next to him so they could hug. “It just reminded me of something. And your voice, fuck… I’d forgotten how incredible you are.”

They stayed there in silence for a bit, Jongdae stroking Baekhyun’s hair as he calmed down. He was staining his sweater, but Jongdae couldn’t care less. He didn’t understand why it had affected Baekhyun this much, but if he wasn’t talking, Jongdae wasn’t going to, either.

“It’s the end,” Baekhyun said after a while. “It’s the ending what makes it sound weird, like it doesn’t fit.”

“What part?” Jongdae tried to reach the papers in front of him without pulling away from Baekhyun, which was a bit more complicated than he had anticipated.

“The last line, _loving smiles,”_ Baekhyun said, pointing to the partiture. “It feels short to describe what the song is about. You’re talking about this indescribable love, and then use _loving smiles_ as a way to refer to it? It doesn’t feel right.” He looked up to Jongdae, but the latter was too lost in the partiture to notice the intensity of the glance.

“You’re right. I don’t know what else could fit there, though.” He grabbed a pencil and erased the lyrics, leaning on the table for support. This brought Baekhyun closer to him, and he had to hold his breath because they were inches apart and he needed to focus on this song because, honestly, it was about time he finished it.

“Why don’t you try something with ‘lovers’?” Baekhyun suggested, looking at Jongdae, who was also looking at him instead of the paper.

Jongdae nodded and he stared at Baekhyun for a couple more seconds before pulling away and singing the last part of the song once again.

_It all right, I’m all fine_

_I’ll forever remember_

_The small teacups, the weather,_

_The time savings, the postcard_

_Where we kept all our secrets_

_Of the lover smiles_

_that made us right._

“Not smiles,” Baekhyun said, suddenly sitting straighter. “Ties.”

Jongdae looked at him and smiled widely. “That sounds perfect, actually.” He grinned in Baekhyun’s direction as he reached for his guitar to play the last part again, and then he played the whole song again, and it was very difficult for Baekhyun to fight the tears back.

 _It’s not the song_ , he realized. It was beautiful, and it hit close to home, but what was making him sob like a baby was the fact that Jongdae was singing it, for him, willingly, and he looked so vulnerable right then but, honestly, it was Baekhyun the one who was feeling vulnerable because, _fuck_.

“What inspired the lyrics?” Baekhyun asked softly as Jongdae made some changes in the partiture and laid back to cover them both with a blanket.

“I don’t know, really. They just came to me, a couple of weeks ago. They’re so much better than the ones I had before.” He looked at Baekhyun as he said this, and he realized that he was a mess. His eyeliner had smudged and his hair was a mess from the rain that had caught him before and he had been sobbing right until then but Jongdae thought that he looked more beautiful than ever, and maybe this was what he looked like the morning after, when he was soft and cuddly and lazy in bed after a long night of love making. And maybe now Jongdae was imagining what it would be like to be the one who made Baekhyun look like that, and _what the hell was he thinking_ this was Baekhyun but maybe, just maybe, these weren’t the first thoughts he had had about this, and he had caught Baekhyun looking at his lips before and maybe it was the adrenaline rush that he had gotten from finally finishing the damn song, but he couldn’t help thinking that he hoped to write more songs about Baekhyun in the future. Not ones that made him cry, though. He never wanted to see him cry if it wasn’t from joy, he only wanted to see him smile every second of every day for the rest of his life.

And then it overcame him, this sudden realization. The lyrics didn’t just come to him, one day. They described what it would feel like when Baekhyun finally got bored of him, because Jongdae knew he would, and how Baekhyun made him feel like he was home, and oh _fuck._ The song was about Baekhyun, and how fucking in love Jongdae was with him.

They were sitting there, in silence, Jongdae having an existential crisis from the realization that he was, in fact, very much in love with the wonderful man who had become his best friend, and he had absolutely no clue how not to fuck it up.

Which was fine, because at that same moment, Baekhyun had just himself accepted that Jongdae loved music, yes, but Baekhyun loved Jongdae so much more than that. And maybe it would be okay, he thought as he wrapped himself more on the blanket they were sharing and leaned his head on Jongdae’s shoulder. “We’re watching _Walking Miss Daisy today_ ,” he said, smiling. “Your payment for me fixing up your song.”

Jongdae agreed, and maybe, just maybe, it would all be all right.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're just two idiots in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIIIIII THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING IVE EVER WRITTEN PLS ENJOY :DDDDDDDDDDDD

Jongdae let himself fall into Baekhyun’s bed, waking him up. “So,” he said, ignoring the way Baekhyun was looking at him like he wanted to kill him. “I’m playing the song at _Apolo_ tonight. You should come.”

Baekhyun blinked a few times, too sleepy to form a coherent sentence. He didn’t know if he was touched, because Jongdae had invited him to this very private thing that he used or freak out over; or mad because he had just very rudely interrupted his nap.

He was still deciding when Jongdae got up and grabbed his arm to get Baekhyun out of bed. “Come on, it’s almost 9 pm. You’re gonna make me late.” He pushed Baekhyun towards the bathroom, earning a very annoyed groan from the latter.

“Why didn’t you come sooner, then?” Baekhyun said as he closed the door, rapidly undressing so he could shower.

“I didn’t want to wake you up!” Jongdae screamed back, and Baekhyun puffed. He had been too happy to regret waking him up even a little bit.

Jongdae was waiting for him on the couch when he came out, towel around his waist and hair still wet, and his eyes darted a bit too far south before Baekhyun disappear behind his door, just in time to hear Jongdae yell: “Wear something nice!”

Baekhyun laughed. “Come help me pick, then!” he yelled back.

Jongdae walked into Baekhyun’s room just as he was putting his boxers on, and he quickly averted his gaze. “What are your options?”

Baekhyun scratched his head. “Not many,” he admitted. “I’m pretty basic when it comes to clothing.”

Jongdae opened his closet and laughed. “I can tell.” It seemed like the only thing Baekhyun owned were jeans and black or white t-shirts with some sort of nerd message on them. He wasn’t complaining, really. Baekhyun looked good in anything. “One Piece? Really?” Jongdae said, laughing while holding up a black shirt with Luffy’s face on it, and Baekhyun laughed with him.

“Everyone had that phase. It’s too big on me, sadly. But it is very comfortable to sleep in.”

Jongdae tossed it back as he looked through Baekhyun’s closet, and he finally settled on some ripped jeans and a plain black shirt. “Thanks,” Baekhyun said as he started dressing.

Jongdae was most certainly _not_ looking at the way his back arched while he put the shirt on, and he was _definitely_ not appreciating the way his ass looked in those jeans. He hadn’t picked them for that reason at _all_.

It should be weird, he thought. It had been less than a week since he had realized that he had fallen for Baekhyun, and it had taken him no time to accept it. It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t uncomfortable, and he was perfectly fine because Baekhyun and him had gotten so close that he felt he could talk to him if it ever became a problem. Baekhyun was so touchy that it was both a blessing and a curse, but he was content and happy and Jongdae had decided that crush or not, he wasn’t going to screw this up. He really cared about Baekhyun, not only romantically, and he wasn’t about to risk it. If his eyes travelled a bit more than usual, Baekhyun hadn’t noticed and if he had, he didn’t seem to care.

Jongdae walked out as Baekhyun finished getting ready, and they were out the door in no time. Jongdae never dressed up for these events, but today he had felt the pressure of inviting Baekhyun and he had spent an hour trying to figure out what to wear. He had settled on a pair of jeans that were comfortable enough to play guitar with, but still tight enough to do his ass justice. He was wearing a light pink shirt, sleeves revved up and not completely buttoned up, and he had managed to tame down his hair. He was nervous, had been all week, about asking Baekhyun to come, because he knew it was overdue. He knew that Baekhyun wouldn’t say no, and he had probably been expecting an invitation, but Jongdae still felt like he was about to throw up. His teachers had loved the song, and he had changed some things up, but the song was still the same and Baekhyun had said he loved it, and Jongdae felt like it was right for Baekhyun to see him perform it for the first time, for the first time.

They walked to _Apolo_ making small talk, Baekhyun laughing loudly and making heads turn as they passed. Jongdae wasn’t surprised, really. He was hot and cute and his laugh was probably the best sound in the world, and it felt nice to be the one making him smile like that. His eyes were lined with thick, black eyeliner, and when Baekhyun laughed they looked like a thousand stars in the sky.

They reached the bar in no time, both saying hello to the doormen as they walked in, the ambient thick and the tables full. Jongdae wasn’t used to coming in that late, and he left Baekhyun with their friends as he went to set everything up. He knew that everyone was more than capable of fixing everything up, but he needed to do something or he would explode.

“You look nice,” Heechul, one of the older players, told him. “Hot date tonight?”

Jongdae chuckled at that. “I wish.”

Heechul pointed to where Jongdae’s friends were sitting. “I saw you come in with the redhead one. He’s available?”

Jongdae shook his head, knowing damn well what Heechul was doing. “He is, but I’m trying for him not to be.” He looked at Heechul, raising his eyebrows, and he laughed out loud.

“Oh, Yuri owes me fifty bucks.” He walked away and Jongdae smiled to himself. He had gotten to love everyone at this little bar, the ones who came in regularly and the ones who didn’t; the ones who played and the ones who didn’t. This was his small place to retire from the world, and he felt more at home here than he did anywhere else.

“Hey! Dae! It’s your turn,” the owner told him as the small blonde girl came down from the stage. Jongdae recognized her as the one he had helped, and she waved at him. “Good luck!”

“It’s not like he needs it,” Heechul said, Yuri next to him as they watched Jongdae go on stage.

He had been nervous up until now, but as soon as he set foot on the platform, his body went on autopilot. He knew this place better than he knew his own bedroom, the stares, the screams, the mic and the chair: this was where he was supposed to be. He smiled at the crowd and sat down, grabbing his guitar on the way.

He tapped the mic a couple of times, and he breathed deep before speaking. “Good evening, everyone. I’m Jongdae, although most of you know me already. Today, I have a very special song for you. I’ve been working on it for months now, and just recently I was able to finish it the way it deserved. I hope you enjoy it.” With a last smile, he forgot all about the crowd and his focus went straight to his guitar as he heard a very loud scream come from his group of friends, knowing damn well that only Baekhyun could ever be that loud.

The reminder that he was there made him nervous again, but he shook his head as if to get rid of the feeling and started playing, smiling shyly towards the place where the scream had come from. He saw Baekhyun leaning on the bar, beer in hand and attention completely undivided as he watched him. Baekhyun smiled and raised his eyebrows, as if to challenge Jongdae, and he felt at ease again.

He started singing, softly, easing the crowd into the song at first, but his eyes couldn’t leave Baekhyun. He didn’t even try to take them off, didn’t even pretend like he wasn’t singing to him, and he just let himself be swept by the song, by the flow of notes that came out of him. He told everything he couldn’t say with words, and he put everything he had into the performance as he watched how Baekhyun turned, slowly, so he was facing him, and Jongdae couldn’t for the love of God remember where he was or what he was doing, he only knew that he had to keep singing because Baekhyun was looking at him like he loved him as much as Jongdae did, and he couldn’t allow himself to think about that.

He had finished the song now, and everyone was applauding, and maybe he had seen Heechul tearing up a bit, but all Jongdae could look at was Baekhyun. He walked down the stage, only smiling to the people who stopped him on his way to the bar, and he was looking at Baekhyun as Junmyeon told him how great it had been. They all agreed on going home and having a couple of drinks there, because it was cold and none of them really felt like going out anyway.

Jongdae turned around to leave, but Baekhyun grabbed his arm and intertwined their hands, and he looked up to give Jongdae the brightest smile ever. He would outshine the sun one day, Jongdae thought.

They walked like that, Jongdae’s hand in Baekhyun’s, even as they walked up the stairs to their apartments. Baekhyun volunteered to go to his to get the bottle of tequila they kept there, and Jongdae went along, because there was no way he was going to let Baekhyun’s hand go.

It proved difficult, however, to open the door with only one hand, but Baekhyun laughed at it and lifted Jongdae’s hand to kiss it as they walked in, and Jongdae thought that he had never in his life been this happy.

They walked to the kitchen, and Baekhyun opened up a cabinet to get the bottle and a couple of shot glasses. He turned around to face Jongdae, and their sudden proximity made him out of breath. “You were amazing tonight,” Baekhyun said softly. “I don’t think I could ever get tired of watching you play.” He looked down, and Jongdae momentarily thought he was looking at his lips, but it had been so brief he couldn’t tell. “You look so damn beautiful when you’re playing.”

Jongdae was sure he had died and this was a dream. He swallowed, looking at Baekhyun, and he blamed the high of the performance for what came out of his mouth next. “You _always_ look beautiful.”

Baekhyun grinned so, so widely Jongdae thought his face must hurt. “I’ll tell you a secret,” he said, and he stepped closer, which Jongdae didn’t think was possible. They were both in their coats still, and Baekhyun’s fingers started taking Jongdae’s off. “I really,” he pushed Jongdae so he’d be standing there without the thick clothes on. “Really,” he took off his own coat next. “Really,” he walked closer, and Jongdae stopped breathing because they were only millimeters away now. “Want to kiss you right now.”

Jongdae wasn’t thinking, he didn’t know what he was doing as his hands came up and grabbed Baekhyun’s cheeks, softly, thumbs caressing his neck as he took a step forward and brought their mouths together, teeth clashing and lips parting, and Baekhyun stumbled backwards until he collided with the counter as he laughed, and Jongdae could feel his lips smiling against his own.

“I knew you’d give in first,” Baekhyun said, and Jongdae smiled, or maybe Baekhyun did, because their mouths were together again and he couldn’t tell which lips were his own, and Baekhyun’s hands were in his hair and they were grabbing his butt and it felt like he didn’t have enough hands to touch Baekhyun like he wanted to.

He was wrong, he thought as Baekhyun walked them towards his bedroom. _Apolo_ wasn’t home. Home was kissing the boy he was in love with as they both fell into his bed, clothes flying everywhere, and he could finally, _finally_ , find out what exactly Baekhyun sounded like when he was being made love to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i haven't updated in forever and it's only been four days, i spoil you all too much  
> this has been a crazy week and i barely had time to write, BUT i wrote four chapters yesterday so this chapter is shorter but updates will be more consistant for a bit. midterms are coming and my free time is limited  
> thank you all for reading!! i always read your comments and they make my day <3

Baekhyun woke up feeling warm and content, and he blinked a few times as he stretched in bed, still half-asleep. The blinds were open and the light flooded the room, although it must have been very early. He was facing the window, which was probably the reason the light had bothered him enough to wake him up, and his cheek was resting against something hard.

Sudden realization came over him, and he smiled lazily as he remembered the events of the past night. He looked up, trying to see Jongdae’s face, who was laying on his back, one hand resting behind his head as the other surrounded Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s leg was somewhere between the both of them, and he tried to remember whether he had put his boxers back on before they went to sleep. Baekhyun smiled at the memories flooding his mind, and he admired the man who was lying next to him. Jongdae was stronger than he looked, and Baekhyun grinned widely thinking about his stamina. He hadn’t expected it, honestly, but it had been a nice surprise. Jongdae was a lot more assuring than he had expected, and Baekhyun could feel the love bites he had left on his neck.

He shook his head, trying to get his mind to clear up, and he tried to detangle himself from Jongdae to get up and close the blinds. His bladder needed some attention, too. He walked through the room avoiding all of the clothing items that made it difficult not to fall, and he ultimately decided not to close the blinds. They were noisy and the light didn’t seem to bother Jongdae, so he wasn’t going to risk waking him up.

He had a problem, however. He knew he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, and he needed to go to the bathroom so he could pee and shower, but he didn’t want to risk Jongdae waking up alone. He knew what kind of image that would give, and they hadn’t talked much last night, but he knew that this had meant something to Jongdae, as well. They needed to talk, and Baekhyun needed to make sure Jongdae didn’t wake up alone in a bed that wasn’t his and jumped to conclusions. It would be lame to leave him a note just to tell him he was in the bathroom, since Jongdae would probably hear him anyway were he to wake up soon, so in the end Baekhyun decided to steal his shirt. Jongdae wouldn’t go anywhere without it, and it smelled like him, so it was one shot two ducks.

Decided, he picked Jongdae’s pink shirt from the floor and lazily put it on, not bothering to button it up. He slowly opened the door, looking at Jongdae the whole time to make sure he was still asleep, and he closed it, softly, to turn around and find all of his roommates, and some people who didn’t even live there, looking at him, smug smiles on their faces.

Baekhyun stood there, perplexed, wearing only boxers and an unbuttoned shirt as he blinked at them, and then sighed loudly. “I need a shower and some food before this.” His friends laughed at him, and Junmyeon offered him a croissant from the bag that was in the living room kitchen. “Did you guys prepare a picnic to watch our walk of shame?”

“We’ve had it planned for weeks,” Kyungsoo said from his spot on the couch as he sipped his tea. “It was about damn time, anyway.”

Baekhyun didn’t bother to answer and just shook his head as he walked towards the bathroom. He could see Chanyeol looking at him with a huge smile on his face, two thumbs up, looking like a proud dad. Baekhyun just chuckled and closed the bathroom door behind him.

Twenty minutes and two good scrubbings later Baekhyun walked out of the bathroom to find his friends all looking at him, most of the food forgotten on the table. He ignored their glances and Yixing’s raised eyebrow as he walked with the towel around his hips to his bedroom, because of _course_ he had forgotten to grab clothes.

He was putting a pair of boxers on, his back to the bed, when he heard the ruffle of sheets and turned around to see Jongdae, sleepy and yawning, rubbing his eyes and looking around the room.

“Good morning,” Baekhyun said, smiling at him as he walked towards the bed.

“Hi.” Jongdae’s voice was raspy and low, like an old car. His hair was a mess, the soft curls shooting up in every direction, and his neck was a mess of hickeys. He had a barely noticeable stubble, and his lips were swollen from the past night’s kisses; yet Baekhyun thought he had never looked better. “What time is it?”

Baekhyun sat next to him on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. “Like 8 am, I think.” Jongdae wasn’t looking at him, and Baekhyun rubbed his bare back to get his attention. “Hey. Just so you know, we are being sieged. They even brought croissants.”

Jongdae chuckled and leaned back into Baekhyun’s touch. “All of them?”

Baekhyun nodded. “All of them. Even Minseok.” He laughed when Jongdae’s eyes widened and he looked panicked.

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun said.

They sat there in silence for a moment, listening to each other’s breath.

“So,” Jongdae said finally, turning around so he was facing Baekhyun. “What does this mean?”

 Baekhyun shrugged. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. But I’d much rather it meant something, because I really fucking like you.”

Jongdae smiled, and then he yawned, and Baekhyun thought that he had never looked as beautiful as he did right in that moment, naked and tangled in Baekhyun’s sheets as he smiled. “I really freaking like you, too.”

Baekhyun didn’t even try not to knock him off as he jumped into his lap to kiss him. They both ended up falling backwards on the bed, Baekhyun on top, and they shared a slow, soft kiss, and only broke apart when they had to breathe.

“Not to ruin the moment or anything,” Jongdae said, tucking Baekhyun’s hair behind his ear. “But was exactly does this mean?”

“It means we like each other, and we’re gonna keep on doing stuff that people who like each other do.” Baekhyun rubbed his nose against Jongdae’s, and the latter laughed softly before sitting up and pulling Baekhyun into his lap.

“So, we’re dating?”

“Do you want me to ask you to be my boyfriend, Kim Jongdae? Because I will, as cringey as it may be.” They were very close now, noses almost touching, looking into each other’s eyes as Baekhyun straddled Jongdae’s hips. Jongdae laughed, and he kissed Baekhyun, a small peck, but Baekhyun pouted and pulled him closer for a proper kiss.

“I don’t know,” Jongdae said, rubbing Baekhyun’s back gently. “I really like the idea of being your boyfriend, though.”

Baekhyun smiled and got up, looking down at Jongdae as he searched for clothes. “Get up, then, boyfriend. We have a firing squad waiting for us back there, but then I promise I will take you to eat the best pancakes in the world.”

Jongdae looked up at him, sighing. “I don’t think I can handle them right now.”

“Come _on,_ ” Baekhyun said, taking Jongdae’s blanket and pulling. “Let’s make the most of it.” He left the room and left the door open, which gained some pretty loud whistles from the outside as they got a full view of Jongdae.

Jongdae sighed and got up reluctantly, with the blanket around his hips, mumbling. “If you’re a morning person this isn’t gonna work.”

Baekhyun yelled at him from across the apartment. “I heard that!”

Jongdae got dressed quickly, putting Baekhyun’s shirt on because he couldn’t find his own, and headed out. He stopped in front of everyone, and lifted a hand to shut them up before they spoke. “Yes, it finally happened. Yes, I’m sure you’re all very happy you were right. No, you don’t get details. No, I won’t be answering questions.” That said, he turned around and headed to the door, stopping by the kitchen to say goodbye to a very smiley Baekhyun, who was looking very proud of Jongdae. “I’m gonna shower and change clothes, I’ll be back in 10.” He was about to leave the kitchen when he realized that he could now do what he wished, and he walked towards Baekhyun, who looked surprised but pleased, and held him by the waist as he kissed him, slow and deep. Baekhyun’s hands went to hold his cheeks, and Jongdae smiled into the kiss.

This was something he could get used to, he decided. What a great way to wake up.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boyfriends being boyfriends. also, baek sleeps (surprise!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiiiiii i don't have much to update you on today i have just been very soft and everything i write is all fully and shit so. here. take it.  
> i read everything you leave here even if i don't respond to all and it really make smy day, so thank you to everyone who has been commenting and supporting me. you're the best <3

Baekhyun rolled over, trying to get away from the very annoying pushing that was trying to wake him up.

“Come on, Baek,” Jongdae said, slightly annoyed, but Baekhyun could hear a smile in his voice. “We’re gonna be late.”

“I didn’t agree to this,” Baekhyun said, covering his head with the duvet. “I didn’t know that it had to be done this early.”

“It’s 8 am. You’re a drama queen.” Jongdae grabbed the covers and pulled, but Baekhyun only groaned louder and grabbed his side tighter.

“It’s my first free Friday in _months._ I am a good person. I don’t deserve this.”

Jongdae chuckled, sighing softly as he tried a different strategy. “Come on, babe.” He got under the covers with Baekhyun, and the latter moved so his face was against Jongdae’s neck. “You said you felt like playing football. They’re all waiting for us.”

“They can wait. I like having you here.” Baekhyun rubbed his nose against Jongdae’s skin, loving the way he smelled. He had slept on his bed, with his blankets and all tangled up with Jongdae; and yet he didn’t want to do anything but be close to him. He looked up, kissing Jongdae’s jaw on the way, and found the younger looking at him like Baekhyun was the best thing to ever happen to him. “I thought you were not a morning person.”

“You’ve made me one.” Jongdae was running his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair, distracted.

“It’s been a _week._ And I let you sleep as much as you could every day.”

“Still. I don’t like being late.” He kissed Baekhyun’s forehead, softly, and reached to pull the duvet back, much to Baekhyun’s distaste. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Baekhyun muttered something about hating mornings as Jongdae left the room to give him space. They had spent every night of that week together, in either one of their apartments, and Baekhyun suspected that their friends had reached an agreement similar to the one Jongdae and him had had months ago, when Sehun and Junmyeon had first gotten together. He didn’t care, to be honest. Now that he could freely touch and kiss Jongdae when he wanted, he was bound on making up for the lost time. Jongdae didn’t mind, anyway. He was just as touchy, something that sill surprised Baekhyun, even if it shouldn’t have.

Their relationship hadn’t changed that much. They had already been spending so much time together, the only real change was the way they cuddled, touched and talked about each other. They had gotten takeout and watched _Tangled,_ the best Disney movie ever, and Baekhyun had been able to kiss Jongdae during the lake scene, and he was sure that was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Jongdae had laughed, a bit embarrassed, but Baekhyun still got chills when thinking about that kiss. It had been slow, soft, like most of their public kisses were, but it had been long and deep, and they were both breathless by the end of it. Why rush it, when they had all the time in the world?

He shook his head, trying not to think about it while everyone was waiting; it would only make his shower slower. He was against tracksuits and believed them to be immoral, maybe illegal, so he just wore some loose pants and a hoodie, hoping that Jongdae would see him cold and decide to come home and cuddle instead. That sounded like a much better plan, actually.

It didn’t work out like that, though. They played football until well past midday, and Baekhyun was starving by the time they got to the Thai place down their street. Everyone else had eaten breakfast, but he hadn’t had enough time and guessed they’d be back soon enough, anyway. They weren’t, and he was about to pass out.

Yixing and Jongin hadn’t been able to come because of work, but everyone else was there, including Minseok. Things had been surprisingly non-awkward after the intervention happened, when everyone cornered Jongdae and Baekhyun and demanded details about everything. Baekhyun had spilled anyway, and Jongdae had told him not to say anything, but Baekhyun had talked anyway because he was pretty damn proud that he was dating Jongdae, and he never shut up anyway, so it wasn’t like Jongdae had actually counted on him being quiet. Minseok had been very cool about the whole thing, Junmyeon had given them _both_ the “don’t hurt my son” speech, Chanyeol had threatened to cut Jongdae’s limbs off were he to hurt Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo had told them not to break up because he didn’t feel like standing the awkwardness that it would bring. Everything was fine, they were happy, and Baekhyun had the best boyfriend in the world to snuggle with.

“I have never met anyone who slept this much,” Jongdae told him when he woke up from his nap later that afternoon. He was playing _Breath of the Wild_ on the bed next to him as Baekhyun stretched and smiled up at him.

“I’ve been working like crazy this year. I’m gonna take all the rest I can now that I’m mostly done.” Baekhyun sat up and kissed his cheek before leaning his head on Jongdae’s shoulder to watch what he was doing.

“As you should,” Jongdae said. “It’s what you deserve.”

They lay there for a moment, enjoying the silence between them. Baekhyun loved how they didn’t have to talk for him to feel comfortable and accompanied; he just needed Jongdae by his side and everything was okay.

They didn’t do much that afternoon. Baekhyun didn’t feel like washing the dishes, although it was his turn, and he bet Jongdae that he could win at Mario Kart. He lost, but Jongdae did the dishes for him anyway, because Baekhyun always hugged him from behind, kissing the nape of his neck, when he did the dishes, and he would sell his soul to have Baekhyun that close to him all the time. Their friends complained, only a bit, but Chanyeol was smiling brightly when Jongdae announced he was leaving for Apolo, as he leaned down to kiss Baekhyun, who was sitting on the couch. It was nothing more than a peck, a small goodbye, but they both smiled into the kiss and Baekhyun couldn’t help but to think that he really had gotten lucky in the boyfriend department. Especially with that ass.

They went down to Apolo later that night, and Baekhyun made sure to dress his best. He knew that everyone there already knew about them, and they had seen him multiple times, but he felt a new sort of weight about going there as Jongdae’s _boyfriend._ He had planned on just waving hi when he arrived, but Jongdae motioned for him to approach. Jongdae introduced him to his friends, Heechul and Yuri, and Baekhyun felt at ease immediately. He could tell they loved Jongdae like he was their kid, but they were both pretty easy going. They were both waiters in Apolo, but he learned that Yuri occasionally performed as well, and he made a mental note to ask for videos on another occasion.

Jongdae played an old song that everyone loved, and they decided to stay home that night because it was still very cold and Jongdae wasn’t much of a partier, anyway. They just stayed home, taking the opportunity to be alone while their friends went out, and spent nearly three hours playing Monopoly, which ended up being _strip_ Monopoly and much more fun, even if they were only two, even if they didn’t even finish the game

“You know,” Baekhyun said afterwards, head on Jongdae’s shoulder as he made circles into his skin. “We haven’t had a real first date yet.”

Jongdae moved his head o look at him. “We’ve been hanging out every day for the last two months. I consider that a very long first date.”

“No, I mean,” Baekhyun moved so he was on top of Jongdae, looking at him. “The only difference between us _now_ and _before_ is the sex, really. I feel like we need something to mark the start of us being boyfriends and not like, very close friends who sleep with each other.”

Jongdae tucked a strand of hair that was falling in front of Baekhyun’s face behind his ear. “Why can’t we be both?”

“We can, we _are_. But I want a first date, with everything that comes with it. The restaurant, the dressing up, picking you up and Junmyeon threatening me if I get you home too late…”

Jongdae chuckled at that, and it made Baekhyun’s whole body move, too. “How are you gonna dress up, anyway? I don’t think you own anything other than T-Shirts.”

Baekhyun pouted and sat up, giving Jongdae something that as supposed to be a serious look, but actually looked like very cute pouting. “I have dressing up clothes, mister. I just don’t usually waste them on you.”

Jongdae laughed, sitting up so he was chest to chest with Baekhyun, as kissing the tip of his nose. “Okay, then. We have a first date to attend to.” Baekhyun smiled and kissed him, lips parting and hands travelling all over Jongdae’s broad back. “Tomorrow?” Jongdae said as he pulled away.

“Tomorrow,” Baekhyun agreed. “I like Italian food.”

“I know,” Jongdae answered, smiling as he kissed Baekhyun’s nose again.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a fluffy first date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long, college is out to try and kill me. i'll try to keep my updates at least weekly, but i will probably end up posting more anyway  
> also, note for this chapter: i highly recommend reading it while listening to turning out by AJR. That song really inspired the feeling or this.  
> thank you for all our support, it means the wolrd to me <3

“I don’t know what his favorite flowers are.” Baekhyun stood in a flower shop, looking around him trying not to freak out. “I don’t even know if he has allergies. Oh my God, what if I get him something he’s allergic to and he ends up in the hospital because of me? I don’t want to take him to the hospital for our first date!”

Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s shoulders and shook him. “Stop freaking out! You’re already dating. This is only to entertain whatever first date fantasy you have. He will find anything you do charming. Stop being a drama queen. Tell him, Soo.”

“You’re being a drama queen. Also, annoying.” Kyungsoo’s voice came from behind a ficus.

Baekhyun tried to breathe deeply and calm himself down. “You guys don’t get it. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“Why did you even insist on this?” Chanyeol started looking around, at all the flowers that surrounded them as Baekhyun tried to find the person who ran the shop.

“I don’t want the start of our relationship to be ‘we fucked after I went to see him play at a bar’.”

“Who cares? It’s a good story. Also, he wrote that song for you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He wrote it _with_ you and then performed it for the first time while he _looked at you_ in a bar full of people. That is way more romantic than whatever you’re trying to pull off is.” Kyungsoo didn’t even look up from his phone.

“You just don’t get it. I’m not forcing you to be here. If you think it’s that lame, just leave.” Baekhyun was angry now, and he turned around to leave Kyungsoo as he looked up.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo said, voice softer than usual. “What is it?”

“Don’t. You will just make fun of me.”

“Probably. But I also want to understand why this is so important.”

Baekhyun bit his lip, looking around like he was embarrassed. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo looked at each other, eyebrows raised as they waited for Baekhyun to find his voice.” It’s just…” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Look, I really like him, okay? And I really want this to last. And if it ends up being for the long run, I... I would want our kids to know the story of our first date.” He looked up in embarrassment.

Chanyeol was smiling so big it looked like his cheeks were about to explode. Kyungsoo looked almost confused, like he was surprised that Baekhyun had thought so far on the future.

“Kids, huh?” Chanyeol elbowed Baekhyun, and the latter just smiled awkwardly.

“It’s silly, I know. But I really do like him a lot.”

“You better,” Kyungsoo said, but he was smiling. “You both have already given us enough headaches. I don’t think I would survive a breakup.”

Baekhyun laughed a bit right as an old lady came walking towards them. “Sorry to keep you waiting. What can I do for you?”

“I’m looking for flowers. Obviously,” Baekhyun said, looking around. Why else would he be in a flower shop? “I have a first date today, and I, uh, have no idea what to get.”

“Oh, congratulations! First dates are a big deal. We want you to cause a good impression. Hm... Let me think. Red roses are the classic choice, of course. But if you’re asking, I’m guessing you don’t want roses. Tulips are a good choice for love, but the color... Red would be too strong for a first date, I think.” She had started walking around the shop, murmuring to herself as she looked around. “Oh! I know. Carnations. Red and white, so the color does not come off scary. Oh, and they’re cheaper than roses, too.”

Baekhyun just nodded because, honestly, who was he to argue? He bought a bouquet of red and white carnations, which was probably bigger than necessary, but he liked the lady and they were pretty. They went home, and Baekhyun had to sit through Yixing giving him The Talk ⎯which had undoubtedly been written by Junmyeon, who was probably giving Jongdae the exact same talk right now. Baekhyun didn’t care, he was way too nervous to process what Yixing was saying.

It was stupid, he knew that. They had hung out so much, they knew each other too well already. And yet, he really felt like this was a first date. Jongdae had picked the restaurant and was supposed to pick him up, if only from across the hall, and Baekhyun didn’t think he had ever been this nervous. Not even during his first date _ever_ , where he messed everything up and still got the girl to agree to a second date.

He tried to calm himself down as he waited on the couch wearing a dark blue suit. He was the image of a groom left at the altar, looking down leaning on his knees as he held a bouquet of roses. But the other groom came, and Baekhyun jumped up, smiling brightly if even slightly awkwardly as Minseok went to get the door.

Jongdae wasn’t used to wearing suits. He wasn’t against them, but he never felt like himself when he did. It was worth it, however, he thought as he walked into Baekhyun’s living room to find him standing up, a cute little smile on his face as he held a bouquet of flowers that Jongdae did not recognize. He was wearing a dark suit, and it complimented his bright, red hair incredibly well.

Jongdae smiled, and Baekhyun looked down at Chanyeol, Minseok and Yixing, who were sitting on the couch, looking at them. He raised an eyebrow as if to ask for privacy, but Yixing only smiled and leaned back, getting into a more comfortable position. Jongdae chuckled and reached out to caress Baekhyun’s cheek, softly rubbing it with his thumb as he smiled and leaned in to kiss Baekhyun. They both smiled into the kiss as Baekhyun stepped closer, and they broke away when Chanyeol screamed: “The flowers!”

Baekhyun laughed, and it was a bright, clear laugh that made Jongdae’s heart jump in his chest. “These are for you,” Baekhyun said, extending his arm.

Jongdae took them, and hopelessly looked for something to say. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before,” he said, looking up form them to Baekhyun. He found the older smiling, and Baekhyun didn’t say anything as he leaned in to give Jongdae a soft peck. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Baekhyun grabbed his free hand and started walking towards the door, ignoring Chanyeol’s call for a picture. He stopped when they reached the kitchen, and he turned around to talk to Jongdae. “You should probably leave them here while we eat.”

“Yeah, I should,” Jongdae said, setting them down on the counter. “As romantic as this is, they’re not a very comfortable accessory for dinner.”

“At least they’re pretty,” Baekhyun answered, looking down at them.

“You’re prettier,” Jongdae said, without thinking. He was, of course. But Jongdae knew that their friends had heard him, and the laughs that came from the living room made him blush.

Baekhyun was looking at him like Jongdae was the reason the sun came up every day, with a smile so bright it looked painful, and Jongdae didn’t have it in him to be embarrassed, not when Baekhyun was looking at him like that. They walked out and took a cab, Jongdae fidgeting with his and Baekhyun’s fingers on the way, nervous about whether Baekhyun would like the restaurant.

He did, of course. Jongdae knew Baekhyun better than Baekhyun knew himself, and he had chosen a small Spanish restaurant that he knew Baekhyun had never been too.

They walked in as the waiter lead them to a table far from all the others, and sat down a menu in front of them. “Spanish, huh?” Baekhyun said as Jongdae pulled his chair out for him.

“I thought it was appropriate. You know far too little about Spanish gastronomy for someone so focused on Spanish history.” He sat down in front of Baekhyun, who was focused on trying to read the menu.

“I have no idea what any of these dishes are.” Baekhyun put the menu down, looking at Jongdae. “You choose.”

“You have an awful lot of confidence in my choices,” Jongdae answered, as if he hadn’t been praying that Baekhyun would let him choose because this was one of his favorite restaurants and he wanted to impress him.

They ordered marmitako, Valencian paella and garlic soup, even though Baekhyun raised an eyebrow at the latter dish. “Trust me,” Jongdae said, laughing. “We won’t notice if we both eat it.” Baekhyun had chuckled at that, and then went on to explain why marmitako was not Spanish food, not really.

“See,” he said, pulling his phone to show Jongdae a map of Spain. “This part of Spain is its own nation. They have their own language and everything. They’d be pretty offended if you called them Spanish.”

Jongdae just shook his head and drank some wine as Baekhyun went on a rant explaining something about Spanish geography that Jongdae was too unfocused to understand. Baekhyun was always handsome, Jongdae thought, but whenever he started talking about the things he liked he looked like a god. His voice was louder and more high pitched, and he talked so fast he barely breathed, and his eyes shined and his eyebrows moved so much and he wasn’t eating because he was so focused on what he was saying and Jongdae didn’t want to interrupt him but god _dammit_ , Baek, shut up and eat your food already.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun said, suddenly becoming quiet. “I know not everyone cares about history as much as I do.”

“What?” Jongdae asked, confused, because he surely hadn’t said anything out loud. “I like it when you talk about the things you like, even if I can’t understand all of it.”

“You looked bored,” Baekhyun, said, looking down.

“I was just thinking,” Jongdae said, smiling as he reached to grab Baekhyun’s hand. “Your food is gonna get cold, and then you’re not gonna enjoy it anymore.” There was no way he was saying that he didn’t want Baekhyun to eat cold marmitako because he was trying to impress him with his food picking.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun said again, smiling shyly this time.

Jongdae gave him a reassuring smile and tightened his hold on Baekhyun’s hand, because they really didn’t need two hands to eat and he liked how the other’s hand felt on his own. Baekhyun had really pretty hands, Jongdae thought, with long fingers and nails that were well taken care of. He had always liked them, but now, every time he thought of what they could do, what they had already done to him, it made him blush.

“So,” Jongdae said, once they finished the first dish. “I feel like we are not doing enough first date stuff. There have been zero awkward questions.”

Baekhyun laughed as he reached for his wine, and Jongdae could not look away from him as the glass framed his eyes as he drank. He was happy, Jongdae realized. Being with Baekhyun, listening to him talk about the stupid things that happened in history, watching him be happy and excited made him happy, and he never wanted to be anywhere else.

They shared a Santiago cake for dessert, which meant Jongdae had one bite and Baekhyun ate the rest. He didn’t care, not at all, because Baekhyun had gotten icing sugar all over his face and Jongdae, like a good boyfriend, had taken up the responsibility of cleaning it up with small kisses. They had both laughed, and Baekhyun had pulled Jongdae onto his lap, and the waiter had had to ask them to please behave while in public

Jongdae didn’t mind, but Baekhyun had pouted and complained that Jongdae was too far away and the way he said it, soft and whiny and not serious at all was enough to make Jongdae swear that he would never be away from him ever again.

He was in deep, and he didn’t even care. Baekhyun made him happy, he made Baekhyun happy, and he had never laughed as hard as he did when they were together. Baekhyun was his favorite person in the world, and he only wanted to spend as much time with him as he was allowed to, if only to hug him to sleep every night. It would be a good life, Jongdae thought. Maybe falling asleep next to Baekhyun every night was that thing he had been looking for. Maybe it was just Baekhyun.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure if anyone is still intersted on this, so I am going to try and apologize for not posting in so long. Uni has been killing me and I have written over 20K words in the last month in papers alone, so my inspiration and just general mood for writing was inexistent. I still have a week and five finals to get through, but my brain today gave up on me after 7 hours in a row studying German declinations; and this came to me, so here you have it. I will deifnitely finish this over Christmas break, but until then, bear with me.  
> Thank you so much if you're still here, and so sorry for the delay. At least the last chapter wasn't a cliffhanger.  
> Enjoy!

“You’re gonna drop the cake.”

“I am not,” said Baekhyun, holding a cake half his size from the bottom with just his left hand as he tried to open the door to his apartment. “I am very capable of doing two things at the same time, I must say.”

Jongdae nodded as he stood behind Baekhyun, one hand holding the cake that would have otherwise already leaned too far back and fallen to the floor. Baekhyun finally got the door to open and turned around to stick his tongue out at Jongdae, only to look down and see him holding the box. He frowned, and Jongdae thought it was so adorable he leaned in for a kiss, only to have the cake stand between them both. Baekhyun laughed and kissed the tip of Jongdae’s nose, which was the only thing he could reach, and took the cake out of his hands as he walked into his apartment.

Yixing and Junmyeon were already there, Yixing hanging balloons that spelled “Happy Birthday” on top of the window as a very anxious looking Junmyeon watched and ordered him around. “Hello,” Baekhyun said, carefully dropping the cake on the kitchen table.

“Oh, thank God,” Junmyeon said, turning around and opening the box to inspect the cake. It was a three-story cake covered in white fondant and some very simple red roses on top.

“You do know that this cake serves 40, right?” Jongdae asked, taking his coat off and setting it on the edge of the couch.

“Do _not_ leave that there,” Junmyeon almost screamed. “Coats in Baekhyun’s bedroom.”

“I did not agree on that,” Baekhyun said, following Jongdae with his gaze as the younger headed towards his bedroom.

“I didn’t ask you,” Junmyeon said, puffing the cushions of the couch. He looked up and saw Baekhyun standing there, expression between amused and scared. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed. Sehun and I haven’t been together that long and I need his birthday to be perfect. I don’t even believe that fucking Minseok won’t tell him.”

“You need a drink,” Baekhyun said, opening a cabinet and turning around with two glasses and a bottle of vodka. He poured both of them a shot, and Junmyeon started to complain but Baekhyun just sticked the glass out further and Junmyeon grabbed it and chucked it, briefly side eyeing the glass as he put it down.

Jongdae had joined them, carefully sitting on one of the kitchen tables. “Everything is gonna be okay. And even if it isn’t, we have enough alcohol to make it.”

Baekhyun chuckled and leaned over the table to brush his cheek lovingly, knowing how much Jongdae hated alcohol. He had acquired a taste for cheap, 20 cent beers since they had started dating, but he would still prefer to have lemonade.

Junmyeon smiled at them as Yixing stepped down from the stool. They all looked up at the balloons and Junmyeon sighed. “Thank you for helping me prepare everything.”

“You didn’t leave us much of a choice,” Yixing said, and they all laughed, because Junmyeon really hadn’t so much as asked. He knew their schedules better than his own, so he had just informed them that he knew they were free, and they were now on birthday duty. Minseok and Jongin were supposed to keep Sehun busy while they all prepared the apartment and waited for all their friends to get out of work. Everyone should start arriving in the next hour, Kyungsoo the first one because he had the food.

Just as they were going through the planning the front door opened and Kyungsoo walked in with Chanyeol behind him. “Put those on the counter,” he said, carefully setting two trays with shrimp snacks and cupcakes down.

They quickly prepared the food in the cute little plates Junmyeon had bought and never allowed them to use, because they were expensive and Chanyeol a mess. This was a special occasion though, so they would all get fancy plates and Chanyeol a paper, Disney one. He didn’t really mind, it had a picture of Ariel and she was, after all, his favorite princess.

Baekhyun disappeared into his room to take a shower before everyone arrived, and Jongdae followed him as Junmyeon complained that now they were four hands short.

They emerged from the bathroom, wet and flushed, as Jongin arrived with the alcohol and ice. The cake was now perfect to eat, and Junmyeon texted Minseok to let him know to get Sehun the fuck over there. They turned the lights off and waited for Sehun to arrive, hiding behind the couch. Baekhyun and Jongdae laid down on the floor behind the kitchen counter, Baekhyun on Jongdae’s lap as they tickled each other and Junmyeon threatened to cut their dicks off more than once.

They shushed higher than they had been talking when they heard footsteps on the hallway, and the door opened as they all jumped up and screamed “Surprise!”. Sehun didn’t seem surprised at all, but he was thankful anyway and immediately started making out with Junmyeon, so Minseok walked free and unharmed for spoiling the surprise.

It was then that Jongdae realized that it hadn’t just been Minseok and Sehun who walked in. Next to Minseok was standing a man with pink hair, looking confused about the whole thing. Jongdae elbowed Baekhyun, who had already started eating chips, and nodded in his direction. Baekhyun cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention and raised his eyebrows, looking at Minseok. Junmyeon and Sehun had turned around with curiosity and were also looking at the couple. Minseok had gone red and was looking down as the other man stood proud and held Minseok’s hand. “Hi,” he said with an accent. “I’m Luhan.”

Junmyeon shook his hand, but Minseok interrupted him before he could say anything. “Boyfriend, friends. Friends, boyfriend. No, we haven’t been dating long. Yes, he really is my boyfriend. No, you cannot tell him embarrassing stories about me.” This last part was said looking specifically at Baekhyun, who made an outraged face and threw his arms into the air.

The party was just like Junmyeon had wanted it. There was food for five times the people present in the room, Jongdae provided soft guitar music (with a rendition of Happy Birthday and Wonderwall, classics) and no one brought up the fact that the balloons actually said “Hapy Birthday”, because they hadn’t been able to find a second “p”. They all sat around the living room table and drank beer as they thoroughly embarrassed both Sehun and Minseok, and somehow ended up drunk enough to think that bringing the vodka out was a good idea.

“Come onnnnnnn,” Chanyeol said, soberer than everyone else. “Let’s play spin the bottle.”

“Pass,” Kyungsoo said, leaning back on the couch. “I have already shared as much saliva with all of you as I am comfortable with.”

“You have never kissed any of us, Kyungsoo,” Yixing said, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly,” Kyungsoo answered, and everyone laughed at that.

The spin the bottle topic was soon forgotten, and Sehun got up suddenly, driving everyone quiet. “I’m tired and I have work tomorrow, but this was great, guys. I know you organized it all,” he said, looking down at Junmyeon next to him, “but I appreciate you all turning up. If you excuse me, I have things to pay off now.” He grabbed Junmyeon and they walked out, and seconds after they heard Junmyeon’s apartment’s door close with a bang.

“Well, that settles that,” Minseok said. “We should probably leave too.”  
Minseok and Luhan left, and everyone else prepared for bed. Jongin would sleep on the couch, because no one was really willing to go bother Junmyeon and Sehun right now, and everyone said good night before closing their bedroom doors behind them.

“This was nice,” Jongdae said as he undressed, looking at Baekhyun, who was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. “I feel like we haven’t all been together in so long. I missed hanging out just like this.”

Baekhyung emerged from the bathroom and hugged Jongdae from behind as the latter looked for a shirt to sleep in in Baekhyun’s closet. “Yeah, me too,” Baekhyun said, kissing Jongdae’s shoulder. “I’ve been so busy this year, and all that weird stuff between me and you... It feels weird to miss people I live with.”

Jongdae turned around, shirt in hand, and softly kissed Baekhyun, while he leaned on his chest. “Sehun looked happy. Junmyeon and him really are perfect for each other.”

“Uh-huh,” Baekhyun muttered, walking backwards towards the bed. They fell on it together, Jongdae on top, and he laughed at Baekhyun’s face. He looked tired and ready to fall asleep right there.

“Come on, get under the covers,” he said, pushing Baekhyun until they were properly positioned in the bed, Baekhyun laying on Jongdae’s chest with a leg over his. Jongdae brushed his hair as he looked down at him fondly, Baekhyun too sleepy to realize. Jongdae tossed the unused shirt to the side and sighed content, hugging Baekhyun closer. “What did you think of Luhan?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.

“He’s cute. He fit really well with all of us. Minseok seems happy,” Baekhyun muttered, lips brushing against Jongdae’s pecs like a butterfly. Short sentences were all his brain was capable of.

“I’m glad he’s over me. I mean, I know he wasn’t, like, in love with me or anything, but it’s nice to know that, you know, he’s not hurt or anything. He makes a better couple with Luhan anyway, not that we were ever a couple, but I wasn’t right for him and, I mean, he wasn’t right for me either, you know, I never...”

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun interrupted, scooting closer to Jongdae. “Stop talking. Your chest vibrates.”

Jongdae smiled and kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head. “Sorry,” he whispered.

“I love you,” Baekhyun said, dozing off.

“I love you too, Baek,” Jongdae answered, listening to Baekhyun’s breathing as they both fell asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!  
> I wanted to post these sooner but family got in the way. I will be finishing this in about a week because I am finally home and done with finals and I now have time to actually sit down and write, so let's gooooo.  
> Thank you so much for those who are still reading and thank you all for your best wishes on the last chapter.  
> Hope you all enjoy!!

Jongdae knocked on the door, waiting for permission to enter. “Come in,” a voice said, and Jongdae walked into the office.

It was small and scarcely decorated, the only focus of the room being the desk that was to the left and the two chairs in front of it. A tall, blond man was sitting behind the desk, hair undone and some eyeliner smudged under his eyes. He looked up from the papers on the table and gestured for Jongdae to sit. “Good afternoon, Jongdae, hello,” he said, trying to fix the mess that was his desk. “I didn’t notice what time it was already, sorry for the mess.”

“It’s okay,” Jongdae said softly. He had been a student under Donghae’s watch for long enough to know that he was messy, but brilliant. Jongdae was sure that he had never seen him with so much as his hair brushed.

“I wanted to talk to you. Well, duh, obviously, or else I wouldn’t have called you here.” Donghae smiled and retrieved some papers from somewhere behind his desk —Jongdae believed that was a lot like Mary Poppin’s bag. “I have been talking to your professors and a lot of them are concerned. Your grades are fine, excellent as always, but apparently you still haven’t turned in your final portfolio?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and waiting for Jongdae’s reply.

Jongdae sighed. He knew this was coming, he had been doing only okay lately, and his songwriting had taken a toll. He couldn’t figure out which songs of the dozens he had written to put into his final portfolio, the one that would see him graduate, and he couldn’t bring himself to write anything better than mediocre, at best. “I... don’t know what to say, sir. I haven’t been very inspired lately.”

“We have been over this a thousand times, Jongdae. Inspiration is not something that comes knocking at your door, you have to actively look for it.”

“I know that. I just… I guess I _do_ have inspiration, it just isn’t the right kind.” Jongdae massaged the back of his neck, cursing Baekhyun’s bed. He always woke up with back pain after sleeping over. “I have been writing all these ballads, soft and slow and very vocally challenging, but all they show off is good lyrics. I already have a thousand of those. I need some songs to show melody and rhythm and I just can’t write them.”

Donghae leaned back on his chair, examining Jongdae. “You were writing R&B and classic rock ballads a year ago. Can’t you use some of those?”

“They don’t fit the vibe of the others. Plus, I want something new. The other professors have already listened to those.”

Donghae stared at him for a long time, so much that Jongdae started to almost feel uncomfortable. When he finally spoke, it almost startled Jongdae. “I went to _Apolo_ a couple of weeks ago. You sounded great, by the way; but it was not your usual style.”

Jongdae shrugged. “I am happier now, I think. In love. My songs reflect that. I just can’t seem to write good, happy songs. All that comes out is bleh.” He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated.

Donghae raised his eyebrows, crossing his arms in front of himself. “Maybe that’s the problem. You have always written songs from a miserable perspective.” Jongdae started whining, but Donghae cut him off. “You know it’s true. I have never heard a happy song from you, ever. They all have some kind of tragedy. You need to find who you are as an artist when you’re happy, or deliver a portfolio with older songs.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jongdae said, looking down.

“Music is not easy,” Donghae reminded him. “You already know that. And you won’t get much further into your career if your inspiration runs out by the time you’re 24.” Donghae was apparently waiting for Jongdae to say something, but Jongdae honestly had nothing he wanted to say. He knew all of this already.

 

*******

“You don’t understand!” Jongdae shouted the last word. “I _need_ this. Music is my life.” He downed the rest of his drink, not even making a bitter face when the alcohol burned his throat. He was well past his seventh glass, having spent the last five hours reclined on _Apolo_ ’s bar. “I don’t know how to do anything else,” he whispered, more to himself than anything.

He took out some money and deposited it on the bar, all crumbled up. Yuri passed it back to him, shaking her head. “I think you’ve had enough.”

Jongdae groaned and laid his head on the bar as he took Yuri’s hand, using it as a pillow. “Just one more, please.” He kissed her knuckles and she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Jongdae never drank, and he certainly never drank _this_ much.

She got him a glass of water, and told him to sober up before going home. He was almost passed out reclined on the bar, miraculously not having fallen from the stool he was sitting on. She walked out and started cleaning the tables, the bar well past its closing time. She had never seen Jongdae like this, and she didn’t want him to go home alone and drunk, but it was way too late now and she didn’t know how to get him home.

“You’re very pretty.” Jongdae’s voice came from behind, softly. She turned around and saw him sitting straighter now, the glass of water empty next to him. “Baek is very pretty too. You both would make hot ass babies.” He hiccupped. “He has the prettiest side profile. Hey!” He sat up and almost fell of the stool. “I could write a song about his side profile. Yes, I could!” He tried to get up, but Yuri was faster and she grabbed him and sat him back down on the stool. Jongdae was humming to himself, apparently not caring that he had almost fallen on his ass.

Yuri sighed and walked behind the bar to grab the phone directory they kept there. She was pretty sure that they hadn’t used it in years, but she was hoping she would find someone’s number there so they could come and get Jongdae.

“I’m really happy,” Jongdae whispered suddenly, more to himself than anything else. Yuri looked up, but he was looking at the floor. “I’m happy and in love and that makes me a crappy artist.” He laughed bitterly, smile crooked.

He got up under Yuri’s watch, more stable than she had given him credit for. He walked to the door and turned around last minute, like he had forgotten that Yuri was there too. She had followed him and was close enough to grab his arm. “Will you get home safely?” she asked, eyes worried.

“Don’t worry,” Jongdae said, bowing down and kissing her cheek. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

“Anything for you, Dae,” Yuri whispered, watching as he disappeared stairs up.

Jongdae cursed when the cold night air hit him. It was already April, but nights were still cold and it was well past 2 a.m. now. He rushed to his apartment as fast as he could, leaning on the building to his left for support when the alcohol got to him too much.

He stumbled into the hall and tried to find his keys with his cold fingers, making a bit too much noise. The door to the apartment behind him opened and Baekhyun appeared, still wearing his street clothes, and sighed with relief when he saw Jongdae. “Where have you been? What happened to your phone? We’ve been worried sick.” It was then that he noticed Jongdae’s state, how he leaned on the wall for support, and he raised his eyebrows in a worried expression. “Are you _drunk_?”

“A bit,” Jongdae said, but he was tired and drunk and it sounded nothing like he had expected it too.

Baekhyun had a perplexed expression on his face, but he walked towards Jongdae and pushed him into his apartment. “Try not to make too much noise,” he said as they walked towards Baekhyun’s room. Baekhyun closed the door behind them and grabbed Jongdae, sitting him down on the bed. He started taking his coat off and grabbed his hands, blowing on them to warm them. He didn’t talk, and Jongdae was glad that he wasn’t required to be coherent right now. Baekhyun finished undressing him, helped Jongdae put on some of Baekhyun’s clothes and got him in bed. “Wait here,” Baekhyun said, walking out of the room. Jongdae didn’t have it in him to move anyway.

Baekhyun returned with some Ibuprofen and a glass of water, and motioned Jongdae to sit up and down them both. “You’ll thank me tomorrow,” he said as he grabbed his phone, typing quickly. “Everyone was so worried, Dae. Including me. Please let us know next time?” he asked softly, voice low and eyes pleading.

Jongdae reached a hand out for him and Baekhyun got into bed, cuddling Jongdae against his chest as the latter purred softly.

“No next time,” he said, so softly that Baekhyun almost didn’t hear him. “I just needed to stop thinking for a bit.” Baekhyun brushed his hair, not wanting to push him too much. “I can’t write songs,” Jongdae said with a laugh, but it didn’t sound happy. “Being happy, being in love with you, so happy in your arms… it makes me a crappy artist.” Baekhyun looked down, but Jongdae’s eyes were closed. “And I don’t care,” he continued. “If I have to choose between music and you, I choose you. Always.”

Baekhyun was too stunned to reply, but Jongdae was already asleep anyway. He waited until his breathing was slower and steadier and got up, sitting on the couch and putting some shitty Netflix show. He was still too revved up, too worried about Jongdae, and he needed some clean air to think.

He heard a door crack and turned around to see Chanyeol coming out of his room, perfectly awake. “He okay?” the taller one said quietly.

Baekhyun nodded and Chanyeol walked to the couch to sit next to him, both of them sharing Baekhyun’s blanket. Baekhyun let his head fall onto Chanyeol’s shoulder, and he hugged Baekhyun closer. “He’s alright,” Chanyeol reminded him.

“I’m not sure about that,” Baekhyun replied, and everything was quiet.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well, shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two because i have been mia for a while

Jongdae shifted his weight from one foot to the other, nervously waiting for his turn to play. Heechul was enthusiastically introducing him to the audience, although it was too close to finals for anyone but usuals to be at _Apolo_. They all knew him already, and he was honestly just playing because it felt weird not to be here every Friday, not because he had a new song to perform.

He looked at the audience, his friends sitting in a booth on the right side of the stage as they looked at him, Chanyeol and Minseok giving him two thumbs up as they smiled brightly.

Jongdae returned the smile, shaking his head as if to shake the nervousness away. He was never nervous before performing, the stage at _Apolo_ felt as comfortable to him as his own room, but he had been buzzing all day. He had woken up the day before alone in Baekhyun’s room, not really remembering what had happened and with a hangover the size of the Everest. Baekhyun had left him a glass of water, some Ibuprofen and a note telling him that he had an early day and to take care and shower. Jongdae had smiled at that, realizing that he really must have looked like shit for Baekhyun not to wake him for a kiss goodbye before leaving. Junmyeon had lectured him for twenty minutes when he had finally gone home, and Jongdae had made a mental note to apologize to everyone, especially Baekhyun, for worrying them so much. Baekhyun’s note had included a little heart, so at least he wasn’t mad, but Jongdae knew he must have been worried sick.

They hadn’t talked for the last two days except for a few texts, Baekhyun busy with finishing up his thesis before finals came and students overtook his favorite spot at the library. Jongdae had gotten used to Baekhyun being there when he performed at _Apolo_ , eyes soft and smile cheerful as Jongdae sang, but today Baekhyun had excused himself, too tired to do anything but take a nap. Maybe that was where the nervousness had come from, Jongdae thought. Baekhyun had quickly become his security blanket, and he now felt exposed.

Yuri approached Jongdae and tapped his shoulder, motioning for him to go up on stage as he had missed Heechul’s cue. Jongdae smiled at her and grabbed his guitar, ready to lose himself in the warm sensation of having dozens of people focused on him.

He would never grow tired of this, he thought. The drunken feeling of all-mightiness, the shiver that travelled through him as he sat on the stool and looked up from his guitar to the people in front of him, waiting for him, expecting and willing. There were very few things as intoxicating as this. It was a unique feeling, similar to what he felt when he kissed Baekhyun or finished a new song.

He had never been one for drama, but he made sure to put on his best show tonight, realizing that this would probably be his last time playing as a student, not a graduate, and wanting to savor it all for later. He wanted to make sure he didn’t forget a single detail, he was dying to go tell Baekhyun all about it. It was funny, Jongdae thought, how he had been so upset when Baekhyun had first gone to _Apolo_ and how empty the room felt now that he wasn’t here.

Everyone else decided to go out for drinks, but Jongdae really only felt like going home and curling up in a blanket with his boyfriend, so he excused himself after a beer, not even pretending that Baekhyun wasn’t the reason he was cutting the night short. Everyone else wanted to go out before finals took over their lives, but Jongdae required much less noisy pre-finals activities.

The door to Baekhyun’s apartment was open when Jongdae knocked, and he walked in to find Baekhyun on the couch playing Assassin’s Creed. He didn’t hear him come in, so Jongdae walked around and kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head as the other jumped only to instantly relax into Jongdae’s touch. Baekhyun paused the game and turned around to look at Jongdae, who was now walking around the couch to sit next to him. He looked happy, content, and Baekhyun leaned into his touch to kiss him softly, a peck on the lips, only to have Jongdae hold him close with a hand on the side of his neck, thumb tracing slow circles into his cheek.

Baekhyun smiled into the kiss, leaning forward a bit more so that he was pressing Jongdae into the couch, and Jongdae’s other hand reached up to cup Baekhyun’s cheek as Baekhyun opened his mouth and let his tongue dart out to lick at Jongdae’s lips, asking for permission. Jongdae opened his mouth, wiggling into the couch to allow Baekhyun better access, and Baekhyun moved to straddle Jongdae’s hips, hands going from the couch to Jongdae’s chest, as if to keep him from moving.

Jongdae moaned softly at the change in position and Baekhyun pulled away, chuckling, which only made Jongdae whine, louder this time, as he grabbed Baekhyun’s waist and pulled him closer, leaning his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. The older raised a hand and brushed through Jongdae’s hair as they both caught their breaths, kissing the top of Jongdae’s head softly.

“You had a good night, I’m assuming?” Baekhyun said, still playing with Jongdae’s hair.

“It was great. It was weird, not having you there, but great. I just needed to come home and see you.” Jongdae looked up, grabbing Baekhyun’s hand that had fallen from his hair and kissing the knuckles. “I missed you. I know it’s only been two days, but I am so used to seeing you all the time that it felt like two years.” He chuckled.

“I’m sorry about that. I just really needed a nap after the week I’ve had.”

“I know, don’t worry. It’s also my fault, you know.” Jongdae brushed Baekhyun’s cheek before letting both his hands fall to the other’s hips. “I wanted to apologize. I know that you stayed up late the other night because you were worried about me, and I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you.”

Baekhyun smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s okay, just don’t do it again. I was more worried about whatever it was that was troubling you once I saw that you were okay, anyway,” he pushed, hoping that Jongdae would elaborate on what he had said two nights before.

“It’s nothing, really,” Jongdae said, sighing and leaning back on the couch. “I’m just having a shitty writer’s block.”

“Don’t you have a portfolio to deliver by like, next week?” Baekhyun asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“I still have two full weeks, but yeah.”

Baekhyun’s frown deepened, and he moved so he was sitting next to Jongdae instead of straddling his lap. “Shouldn’t you be more worried? I thought you had it finished already.”

“I have enough songs for it, but they aren’t cohesive enough. I’ve been having a hard time compiling them all together.” Jongdae turned to look at Baekhyun, who had a confusing look on his face. “I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”

Baekhyun nodded, but it was obviously still bothering him. Jongdae grabbed his chin and forced him to turn around and look at him, and he leaned in for a soft peck. “It’s okay, really. I still have time.”

Baekhyun opened his mouth, like he was going to say something, but he closed it. Jongdae let him go and leaned back on the couch, waiting for Baekhyun to find the words.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” he finally said, looking up at Jongdae with an unreadable expression.

Jongdae shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It _is_ a big deal when it causes _you_ to go out and drink until you almost pass out on the hall on a school night!” Baekhyun almost yelled, and the sound startled Jongdae.

He darted forward, depositing a hand on Baekhyun’s thigh. “Hey, I said I’m sorry for that.”

“I don’t care about that!” Baekhyun said, getting up and sitting on the chair in front of Jongdae, leaning forward on his knees.

Jongdae was confused. “Then what are you so upset about?”

“You have this huge thing bothering you, and you don’t tell me until you’re literally passed out on my bed at 3 a.m. Wouldn’t you be upset too?”

“I⎯ yes, maybe, but I told you it’s not a big deal.” Jongdae made to touch Baekhyun, but the older pushed his hand out of Jongdae’s touch.

“It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I’m your boyfriend and we spend every day together, this is the kind of thing you should tell me about!”

Jongdae was so surprised by the turn in the conversation that he didn’t answer for a while. Baekhyun looked at him, a frustrated look on his face, and he looked away as he mumbled, “I’m still tired. I think you should go home for now.”

Jongdae stared at him, too stunned to talk. “Are you kicking me out?”

Baekhyun looked back, holding Jongdae’s eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me about the songwriting?”

Jongdae shook his head, eyebrows furrowed. “I don’t know. It didn’t seem important.”

Baekhyun laughed bitterly, and got up to walk towards his room. “That’s not true and you know it.”

Jongdae got up too, angry this time. “What do you want me to say?”

“The truth,” Baekhyun answered as he opened the door to his room. “Close the door on your way out.” He motioned towards the entrance and disappeared behind the white door.

Jongdae stood there for a moment, trying to understand what had just happened, before he sighed and left the apartment, making sure he closed the door with a loud bang on his way out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongdae is an idiot, apparently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are three chapters left in this fic, and one is an epilogue, so you can guess what'll go down from here  
> i think i may be able to update tomorrow too, but if i can't, happy new year! thank you for following this story all until now <3  
> thank you for reading! hope you enjoy

Jongdae had been staring at his bedroom ceiling for the good part of the past hour. The apartment was empty, all his friends still out and Baekhyun in the apartment across the hall, mad at him for something he still hadn’t figured out. This was definitely not how he had expected the evening to go when he had gone to Baekhyun’s. His expectations involved pizza, Jumanji and maybe loud sex to take advantage of the apartment being empty for the first time in forever, not moping alone in his bedroom, confused and hurt about a stupid fight with his boyfriend.

Jongdae sighed and rubbed his eyes as he looked at the clock on the night table. It read 1:47 a.m., and he cursed internally for not being able to sleep. He didn’t know what had gotten to Baekhyun and they needed to talk, but he wasn’t feeling up to it, and Baekhyun probably wasn’t either. He had thrown him out, and Jongdae knew Baekhyun well enough to know that he was probably feeling the same, but Baekhyun just needed time. _I can give him time,_ Jongdae thought, and then proceeded to get up, because he obviously wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.

Ten minutes later he was running down the stairs and back to Apolo. He knew the bar closed late, and he knew enough people in there to feel comfortable just hanging out. He really didn’t feel like being alone right now.

The bar was still full when he walked in, and he squinted his eyes as he looked through the crowd looking for a familiar face. He saw Heechul being too friendly with a group of guys on the bar, and the way the blond’s hand was holding Heechul’s thigh gave him some indication of who they may be. He saw the pretty blonde girl ¾ Wendy ¾ sitting on a table with other three girls, and he waved at her as she took a sip from her drink. She motioned for him to approach, and he walked towards them with a smile on his face, already feeling the tension dissipate from being here.

“Hey,” he said, and Wendy grabbed his hand and made him sit next to her.

“We were just talking about you,” Wendy said, and Jongdae smiled.

“All good, I hope?” he asked.

“She can’t stop talking about you,” the girl right in front of him said. She looked older than them, probably around Jongdae’s age.

“That is _not_ true,” Wendy said, blushing. “I was just talking about your performance today. Dude, I got legit chills. You hadn’t sounded that good in a while.”

“She makes you sound so good, I’m just sad we missed it,” the orange haired girl said, leaning back on the chair.

“Well, that can be fixed,” Jongdae told them with a smirk, as he turned around to find the stage. It was empty, anyone who wanted to perform having already performed, and it was the perfect distraction.

“I’ll get Heechul,” Wendy said, getting up.

Jongdae let her out and turned back to the other girls, smiling. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of her, but she kind of forgot to introduce us?” he said the last part as a question.

The older girl smiled. “I’m Irene. That’s Seulgi, and he one moping because she’s not old enough to drink is Yeri.”

“We came with Joy, too, but she’s busy somewhere trying to get laid.”

Jongdae smiled and offered his hand. “Kim Jongdae. Singer, songwriter and occasional hipster.”

Seulgi laughed, and Wendy came back and started grabbing Jongdae’s arm and pulling towards the stage. “Come on, come on!” She was basically pushing him.

He jumped on stage, and the crowd was suddenly quiet. “Hi, hello. Hi. I’m Jongdae, if you don’t know me. I would like to play something more tonight, if you’ll let me.” Everyone cheered loudly, and he smiled as he turned around to grab the guitar Yuri was offering him. He sat on the stool on stage and tried to seem calm. “I don’t really have anything prepared, so let’s just go with the flow, okay?” _And now, here’s Wonderwall_ , he almost told the crowd, but decided against. There might be someone there who actually played Wonderwall regularly. He knew that Chanyeol did.

He sang softly, slowly getting into it, and played it safe by sticking to covers of songs he could sing in his sleep. He could see some people tipping Yuri as they looked at him when he played _Say you won’t let go_ , and made a mental note that James Arthur brought tips in.

He enjoyed himself, playfully singing his favorite songs as he saw the crowd get louder the more they drank, and the bar was closing before he even realized what time it was. He barely had time to say goodbye to Wendy and the girls while they were being told to get out, and he stayed behind to help Yuri with cleaning.

He didn’t say anything, but she gave him a broom when he went looking for her to the back room. He wanted to apologize for the last time, but before he had a chance to, Heechul popped his head into the room. “I’m gonna leave, if that’s okay, Yuri,” he said, and then his gaze wen tot Jongdae. “Oh, Jongdae. Hi. What are you doing here?”

Jongdae held the broom up. “Just thought I’d help so you could go home early.”

Heechul winked at him and waved them goodbye. “Bye! I’m gonna get laid!”

Yuri and Jongdae laughed, and worked in silence for a bit before Jongdae opened his mouth again. He cleared his throat, and Yuri looked up from where she was doing the dishes behind the bar. “I know I said this already, but I want to apologize, really. And thank you. You were so good last time, and I... I’m just sorry.”

Yuri smiled and stared at him for a moment. “You know I like you, right?”

Jongdae was shocked for a moment. “You... what?”

“I don’t mean it like that. I just mean, you’re really nice. You’re a good person, an incredible artist, and you’re funny and laid back and always treat me well. I consider you a friend, Jongdae.” She said the last part like she was talking to a toddler.

Jongdae shook his head and blushed, going back to cleaning. “I just hope your other friends are not as annoying as me.”

Yuri laughed. She was pretty, Jongdae thought, and when she smiled her whole face lit up, much like Baekhyun’s did when he laughed. Jongdae closed his eyes for a moment, sighing. It had gone so well, not trying to think about Baekhyun all night. He had been too drunk on the moment, but he was now back in full force.

Yuri noticed his sudden quietness, and raised his eyebrows at him. “You okay?”

“I... yes. I’m fine. I just...” he trailed off, and in one look Yuri decided to drop whatever she was doing and sit them both at a booth.

“Explain,” she said.

Jongdae started to speak, but the door to the bar opened before he could say anything. A dark-haired girl walked in wearing a pink coat, and she looked around before spotting them. “Oh!” she said. I thought you’d be alone. Hi.” She started taking her coat off and walked towards them, giving Yuri a soft kiss on the lips.

“Jongdae, this is Tiffany. My girlfriend. Tiffany, Jongdae.” They shook hands and Jongdae smiled at her.

“I have heard a lot about you,” Tiffany said, cuddling up to Yuri, who was now rubbing circles on her back.

“Jongdae here is having a rough time,” Yuri said, nodding her head on his direction. “He was about to tell me what it is.” They both looked at him now, and Jongdae felt his cheeks burn.

He breathed in before speaking. “You know I left tonight, yes?” Yuri nodded. “My friends were all going out, but Baekhyun, my boyfriend,” he clarified to Tiffany. “has been working so much that he was tired and didn’t come, so I went home. We had a stupid fight and I just don’t know why he’s mad.” He sighed and let his head fall to his hands on top of the table.

“What did you argue about?” Tiffany asked, slowly.

“I’ve been having trouble writing new songs. I’m not used to being in love, and I tend to... write... catastrophic songs, my counselor called them. He was mad that I hadn’t told him that I was having trouble.”

“Wait,” Yuri interrupted, leaning forward. “You told me about this, but not him?” Jongdae nodded. “You told _me_ before you told you _boyfriend_ , your _best friend_?” Jongdae nodded again. Yuri buffed, and Tiffany was shaking her head. “You can’t possibly be _that_ oblivious.”

“He’s mad that I told you before I told him?” Jongdae was confused.

“You’re an idiot,” Tiffany said, and Jongdae stared at her, mouth open. “You made it seem like you don’t trust him. Isn’t music, like, super important to you? Why wouldn’t you tell him?”

Jongdae opened his mouth to speak, but Yuri cut him off. “Because,” she said, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe she had been this naïve. “you blame him.”

“What?” Jongdae almost screamed.

“You probably don’t remember, but the other night, you told me that being in love with him made you a crappy artist. You blame him, indirectly at least, for this.”

Jongdae pressed his lips together. He _knew_ it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault, but maybe he hadn’t acted accordingly?

“How did you tell him about this?” Tiffany asked, cautious.

Jongdae shrugged. “It just came up. I apologized for getting home so late the other day, and he wanted to know what had me so worried, so I told him. It seemed like he was annoyed before, though.”

“Jongdae,” Yuri said, looking at him suspiciously. “What did you tell him when you got home the other day?”

Jongdae shrugged again, hands going to his hair. “I don’t know. I was drunk, I just know I fell asleep next to him.”

Tiffany and Yuri looked at each other and then at him, and Jongdae had never felt so judged. Yuri sighed and leaned back on her chair. “I’m only saying this because I like you.” Jongdae stared at her, confused. “You need to talk to Baekhyun. If you told him what you told me, with the same words... I would have broken up with you, too.”

“We didn’t break up,” Jongdae said automatically.

Yuri whistled. “Lucky you.”

Jongdae stared at them for a moment too long, but then Tiffany yelled to hurry up, and he barely got to say goodbye before he sprinted back to Baekhyun’s apartment. He was a real idiot, apparently.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> communication, at last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year everyone!!!! i've been relaxing and having fun with my family so sorry i've been mia for a bit. there are now only two chapters left (one is an epilogue), and i'm slowly getting emotional. thia was my first fic ever and you all were the best readers I could ask for. thank you so much for everything  
> psa: this is unbetaed so any mistakes are my own. enjoy your reading!

By the time Jongdae reached his apartment it was past 4:30 a.m., and he was pretty sure everyone would already be back. He couldn’t just pound at the door to talk to Baekhyun without waking everyone up, and he wasn’t even sure if they’d open it, but he couldn’t handle the thought of going to sleep with Baekhyun mad at him. He got their spare key from where they kept it under the mat, which really wasn’t the safest place, and he softly closed the door behind him.

He walked through the living room, where a very wasted Sehun had fallen asleep on top of his boyfriend, and headed towards Baekhyun’s room. He knocked lightly, hoping that he would still be up.

Jongdae furrowed his brows at the soft voices coming from the room. He knocked again, louder this time, and had barely enough time to take a step back as a very tall, broad shape filled his entire vision of Baekhyun’s room. “What do you want?” Chanyeol said, moving so that Jongdae couldn’t take a look inside.

“I need to talk to Baek.” Jongdae tried to sound calm. “Please.”

Chanyeol looked unimpressed as he looked him up and down. “It’s 4 a.m. He doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Jongdae held back the urge to roll his eyes. “Please,” he said, trying to sound as miserable as he felt.

“It’s okay, Yeol.” Baekhyun’s voice came from the inside. “Leave us alone, okay?”

Chanyeol doubted a bit before sighing and pushing Jongdae aside to walk towards his own room. “I’m coming if I hear any yelling.”

Jongdae nodded and walked into the room, looking down as he closed the door behind him with his back to Baekhyun. He turned around and found Baekhyun sitting on his bed, eyes swollen from crying, wearing a shirt that Jongdae had left behind some weeks before. It almost made Jongdae smile, but they just stood there, watching each other.

It had been too long a silence to feel comfortable. “You said you wanted to talk,” Baekhyun said, looking away and down. “So, talk.”

Jongdae looked at him, sighing. He had gotten here so fast he hadn’t actually thought about what he was going to say. He had never been to good with words, and explaining how he felt had never been easy. “It’s not your fault,” he said, quietly. Baekhyun looked up at him. “I don’t blame you for by songwriting. I don’t know if I said something that felt like I did, because I don’t. You make me happy. God, you make me so happy.” He ran his fingers through his hair, slowly pacing back and forth in front of the door. “It’s so stupid, and sad and honestly just fucking wrong how I have never been this happy and I don’t know how to write songs when I’m happy because I have always been miserable and you make me happy.” He stopped, looking at Baekhyun’s eyes, which had gone wide as he spoke. “Loving you makes me happy. You loving me makes me even happier. And I don’t know how to turn that happy into songs because I’ve never been there. But I will learn. I don’t-I would never blame you for something that _I_ can’t do."

Baekhyun looked down at his feet again. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jongdae shook his head and took a step closer, reaching his hand out to touch Baekhyun’s shoulder, softly. “I don’t know. I just-I guess I wanted to think that it’s not a big deal. And I’m embarrassed, kind of. You’re always so amazing at everything you do, and all I can really do is music, and now I can’t even do that.” He laughed bitterly to himself.

Baekhyun looked up, and his face was so full of hurt that Jongdae got down on his knees, trying to get as close as he could to him without actually touching, the had on his shoulder the only point of contact between them. “You said that loving me made you a crappy artist,” Baekhyun whispered, so low Jongdae almost didn’t hear him. “You went out and got drunk, all by yourself, and I didn’t know where you were, and you said that loving me made you a crappy artist and that you didn’t care.”

Jongdae’s mouth fell open and he sat back on his heels. “I-I don’t remember that. It was¾I was drunk, Baek, and I didn’t¾it doesn’t mean I blame you. If I’m a crappy artist, that’s on me, not you.” He reached his hand out, looking deep into Baekhyun’s arms. “But if I have to be a crappy artist to be happy, so be it.” He pulled a strand of hair behind Baekhyun’s ear.

Baekhyun raised a hand, keeping Jongdae’s touch next to his cheek. “Songwriting makes you happy.”

Jongdae shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. I was miserable before, and I could write songs. I’m happy now, and I can’t. And not being able to write makes me frustrated, not sad. I just need to do old thing with new perspective. Learn how to turn all these new emotions into songs and lyrics and shit like that.”

Baekhyun opened his legs, and invitation that Jongdae took, moving so he was kneeling in between them. Baekhyun lifted his right hand and let it brush Jongdae’s cheek, barely touching. “I will not be the reason you lose your career, Jongdae,” he said. “If you give this up, if you decide not to write songs anymore, I-we will not be a thing anymore. I don’t want the burden of your career on my back, and I don’t think I could still be in love with you if you gave that up.”

“What?” Jongdae was speechless.

Baekhyun sat back, hands falling from Jongdae’s face. “It was your love for music, your passion, what drew me in. I don’t-I can’t love someone who will put me before his own passion, his own career, your _life._ I’m not-I’m not willing to be that.” He made to get up, but Jongdae grabbed his hand and pulled him down again.

“Hey,” he said, squeezing Baekhyun’s hand. “I’m not giving this up. I couldn’t even if I tried. I just need some time to change my perspective on writing songs, and how I approach them. I am _not_ giving up music, and I’m definitely not giving up you. I don’t have to choose just one.”

“But you don’t have a portfolio to turn in next week.”

Jongdae shrugged. “I can still write something. Or add some old songs. It won’t be as good, but it will get me through while I figure out how to be a happy artist. They exist, apparently.”

That drew a soft smile in Baekhyun’s face. “You have worked so hard for, what, a mediocre grade? I don’t- “

“I don’t care,” Jongdae interrupted. “Everyone goes through blocks. You spent six weeks trying to write a goddamn paragraph about some kind who was called beautiful when he was ugly as fuck.” He gave Baekhyun a pointed look, and then sighed. “It happens. It sucks, especially with this timing, but I will get over it.”

Baekhyun nodded and grabbed Jongdae’s hand to pull him to his feet. He laid back on the bed, pulling Jongdae’s hand lightly so he’d catch the hint. Jongdae nodded, taking off his shoes and laying in bed next to Baekhyun who was on his side, looking at him. “I don’t want this to be a problem.” Baekhyun put a finger to Jongdae’s lips before he could interrupt. “I don’t mean, like, now. I don’t want us to be together ten years for now, and you be resentful because this kept you back, because your grades weren’t good enough, whatever. I don’t want to have that weight on me.”

Jongdae looked at him. Baekhyun looked beautiful, even with the red cheeks from the tears, with the light from the night city coming in through thee open blinds of the window throwing shades around the room. He grabbed Baekhyun’s hand, that was still against his lips, and turned it so he could kiss the palm. The motion surprised Baekhyun, and Jongdae did it again, kissing lower this time, almost to the wrist. “It won’t,” he promised against his skin. “I don’t blame you. This is my decision.” He gave the back of Baekhyun’s hand one last kiss, as if to seal the promise.

They laid there for what felt like weeks, just staring at each other, nothing touching except their hands, like they were clinging with everything they had left to that small touch they shared.

“I was scared,” Baekhyun confessed. “That you would leave, because music was more important to you, and it would have broken me. I guess I was preparing for the inevitable, and tried to confront you about my own fears. I’m sorry, for tonight.”

Jongdae shook his head, letting one of Baekhyun’s hands loose so he could scoot him up closer, their knees touching now. “I understand. I just wish you had told me, so I didn’t have to talk to someone else to figure out what was wrong.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Sorry,” he repeated.

“Don’t,” Jongdae told him. “I always want you to tell me your fears. The good stuff, of course, but the bad stuff too. I’m here for that, you know.”

“I’m starting to,” Baekhyun said, and they both smiled, feeling much lighter now. They would be alright.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is unbetaed again, so any mistakes are my own  
> thank you fro reading!

“You’re going to make us late,” Baekhyun said from beneath Jongdae.

“I’m the star, they won’t start without me,” Jongdae answered, moving so that Baekhyun had more room to move, even if he was still pinned against Jongdae’s body.

They had been like this since they woke up, Baekhyun insisting they got up and got dressed for Jongdae’s graduation, Jongdae peppering his face with kisses as he laid over him, legs and hips against Baekhyun, pinning him against the bed. Baekhyun didn’t seem to care too much, nor had he tried to get out, but his limbs were starting to ache from keeping this position for so long.

Baekhyun raised a hand and pinched Jongdae’s side, making him flinch enough for Baekhyun to flip them over. He was hovering over Jongdae now, noses touching as Baekhyun stood in all fours over Jongdae.

He leaned closer and rubbed his nose against Jongdae’s. “Junmyeon will skin us alive if we’re late.”

Jongdae lifted a hand and pressed his index against the furrow in Baekhyun’s forehead, making the latter laugh. He suddenly moved, rolling them over again, too close tot the edge of the bed. Baekhyun’s back pressed against it, and he gasped before they both went down, Jongdae landing on top of Baekhyun, who had his back against the floor.

“Goddammit, Dae,” Baekhyun complained from beneath his boyfriend’s form. “My ass hurts.”

Jongdae laughed and kissed him, a brief touch of their lips as he got up, watching as Baekhyun sighed from the loss of contact, eyes closed. “It usually goes like that when I sleep over.” He shrugged as he walked to the bathroom, taking his shirt off. Baekhyun cursed at him, which made Jongdae laugh again, and then they both managed to shower together without being any more behind than they already were.

It was weird, Baekhyun thought. He had graduated three years ago, as had most of his friends, but Jongdae had dedicated 7 years to this, and he was barely getting a diploma. He had delivered his portfolio three days late and full of old, too played songs, but Donghae had told him his grade would only be affected by 10%, which was more than Jongdae had been expecting, honestly.

His grade had dropped considerably, but he was still valedictorian and one of the few students who were graduating this year. Most composition students dropped out or changed majors the first years of uni, and many other just got tired of waiting for seven years to get one diploma, so the 2017 Class was small, no more than 15 people standing in front of the stage on the college campus, all dressed in pink because, for some reason, composition students dressed in pink for graduation. Jongdae didn’t understand it, but Baekhyun had thought it was hilarious.

He looked over the sea of graduation hats and over to his friends, standing at the back with huge poster with Jongdae’s face on them, as he walked up the stairs to the stage to do his part as valedictorian. This college had too many majors for everyone to do a speech, but he, being a composition and performance major, had to stand in front of thousands of people and perform a song that would represent all of these people’s years of university. It was tradition, and the song was recorded and sold in small CDs, so people could go home and cry over their college years when they were 40 and miserable. It had been a tough thing, writing a song that would perfectly describe what college had been for him, for all of them, but Jongdae had been determined to make this the best song of his life.

And, if the way the crowd cheered when he was finished was any indication, he definitely had. Not that it mattered, of course, because Baekhyun was running across the field to him and Jongdae couldn’t contain his laughter as he focused on Baekhyun’s shirt and Jongdae’s face on it. He was the most beautiful vision he had ever seen, and when Baekhyun finally reached the stage and Jongdae came down to be hugged, Jongdae let himself believe that, for once, he would be okay. How could he not, when his friends had posters with his face on them, and his boyfriend was screaming sat the top of his lungs and Jongdae’s only thought at that was that he didn’t want to live without him not even for a day.

“Hey,” he said softly, and Baekhyun quieted next to him, turning around to look at him inquisitively. “I love you.”

“Well, thank you,” Kyungsoo said from behind them, and suddenly Jongdae was being embraced by all of his friends, never letting go of Baekhyun’s hand. They laughed, and screamed some more, and Junmyeon told them that he would leave them here because there was no way he was letting a bunch of over excited kids into his car unless they stopped immediately.

Baekhyun wasn’t paying attention, though. He was looking at Jongdae, who hadn’t stopped smiling all day, and he couldn’t fight the smile that took over his face. He squeezed Jongdae’s hand to get his attention, and the younger looked at him, smile wide and eyes glistening. “I love you too, Dae.”

Jongdae’s smile widened, as if it was even possible, and he freed his arms from Chanyeol’s embrace as he walked over to Baekhyun, holding his face between his hands and pressing a thousand soft kisses against Baekhyun’s face. “I know,” he said, and Baekhyun believed him.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two idiots, happy and in love.

It had been a while since they had had time to be alone like this, both laying on the couch on top of each other, watching a really bad sitcom and arguing over who was to get up to get more popcorn. They had both been working like crazy, and Baekhyun still hadn’t figured out how he had managed to spend more time on the library now that he was a professor than when he was a PhD student, but he had. Jongdae worked from home, and he needed peace and quiet to work on his research, which were not terms that Jongdae, working with music, was very familiar with. They had talked about soundproofing Jongdae’s working room, but it had been too expensive, and they were trying to save up for their own apartment.

Yixing and Minseok had moved out the moment they had gotten their PhD, when Jongdae graduated, which left them with the awkward living situation of being a couple that shared an apartment with only Chanyeol, as Junmyeon had moved into Sehun’s apartment, taking Jongdae’s room. They were all close, but not close enough to the point were Jongdae and Baekhyun felt really comfortable living with him. Chanyeol, being as oblivious as he was, probably hadn’t realized, but Jongdae and Baekhyun had both reached the maximum of times they could be caught in a compromising situation by other people.

But not today, no. Chanyeol was out on a date, Baekhyun had mostly finished his work for the week; Jongdae had just delivered five new songs to his agent, and they both had the night free to lay around on their underwear until 5 am if they wished.

They probably wouldn’t, but it was nice to have the choice.

Baekhyun wasn’t paying any attention to the movie, if he was being honest with himself. He had missed Jongdae, they barely got anything more than a goodbye kiss before one of them was out the door, and Baekhyun had to get up so early for his morning classes that he felt like they didn’t even have time to cuddle anymore. Now, he was only focused on the way Jongdae laid on top of him, his head on Baekhyun’s chest, arms around his waist as his hands rubbed circles into his back. He was barely breathing, not wanting to disturb Jongdae with the movement of his chest, and he could feel Jongdae’s smile as he realized that Baekhyun was not looking at the TV at all.

“You okay?” Jongdae asked, looking up like he already knew the answer.

Baekhyun nodded, brushing Jongdae’s hair with a hand. “I was just thinking that I miss you. We’ve barely spent any time together lately.”

Jongdae made a noise on the back of his throat, rubbing his cheek into Baekhyun’s chest. “I know. The apartment feels so empty when you’re not here.”

Baekhyun sighed. “I love Chanyeol, but we need to get a place just for ourselves.”

Jongdae got a hand from under Baekhyun and started rubbing the elder’s neck. “You know… I’ve been looking at apartments. There’s this really nice one, for a good price, too, just down Lurelin Street. It’s not far from your work, and I know you like that area.”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you were looking for an apartment already. I thought we had agreed to wait a bit more, so we’d have more saved up.”

Jongdae blushed a bit and sat up, disentangling himself from Baekhyun. “Okay, so… You know how I just sold those songs, right? There was some kind of, like, battle to get them? Some top artists were interested in them, and I got paid a lot more than I had expected.” He shrugged. “We have enough to buy an apartment, if you want to.”

Baekhyun smiled so big he felt his cheeks burn. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God!” Baekhyun almost screamed, jumping up from the couch. “Oh my God! We’re getting an apartment!” He couldn’t stop smiling, and he grabbed Jongdae’s hand to pull him so his feet. “Oh my God!”

Jongdae laughed as he looked at Baekhyun. “I know.”

“Oh my _God_!” Baekhyun stopped jumping, turning to look at Jongdae with bright eyes. He suddenly took a step closer and grabbed Jongdae’s face between his hands, looking deeply into his eyes. He kissed him, soft and short and sweet, and when they pulled away they were both smiling so big it was ridiculous. “I love you.”

Jongdae reached up to brush Baekhyun’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

 

*******

“Is that all?” Sehun asked as he walked in, heavy box into his arms.

Jongdae nodded, motioning for him to leave the box in the floor next to the bedroom. “I think that’s everything.”

Baekhyun walked out of one of the rooms, covered in red paint from head to toe. He was smiling so big it looked strange, and Jongdae’s couldn’t help but to walk over and try to rub the paint off his nose. Baekhyun laughed, and Jongdae kissed his cheek as everyone walked into the apartment, holding the last few boxes and bags and leaving them on the floor wherever.

Chanyeol had been on painting duty, because no one trusted him enough to not trip and break everything he was carrying, but he looked as exhausted as everyone, letting himself fall on the couch, which was still covered in plastic. “I am never doing this again.”

Junmyeon chuckled. “You’re moving out next week.” Everyone laughed at that and Chanyeol groaned, letting his head fall into his hands.

They were all tired from moving boxes all day, and Baekhyun had been painting rooms for three days straight now, which had resulted in him covered in paint everywhere, so everyone went home soon enough. Jongdae and Baekhyun invited them over for a week later, when they actually had the place clean and running, and not looking like a mess of boxes and fresh paint stains.

Once they were alone, they did a last tour of the house, sides close and hands intertwined as they smiled at each other. It was theirs, finally. It was a beautiful apartment, with two rooms and a study for Jongdae, which they had soundproofed. They had enough space for two wardrobes and they had installed a bathtub big enough for three people, or two very messy ones, in the bathroom, which had seemed like the wisest choice.

They didn’t bother unpacking anything but the bare necessities from a bag they had made before. They made the bed to the best of their abilities; as Baekhyun said, they were much better at undoing it. The still didn’t have a TV, or heating, or anything apart from boxes, _so many boxes_ , so they didn’t even bother to take the plastic off the couch. Baekhyun would probably get it dirty with paint tomorrow, anyway.

Baekhyun was in their shared bathroom brushing his teeth when he felt arms wrap around his waist, Jongdae looking over his shoulder to meet his stare in the mirror. Baekhyun smiled, mouth full of toothpaste, and they both laughed when it got tiny little drops on the new mirror.

Jongdae didn’t let Baekhyun go even as he was bending over the counter to spit into the sink. He cleaned his mouth and turned around, meeting Jongdae for a brief kiss before leaning back and squinting his eyes. “You’re very touchy today,” he said, rubbing Jongdae’s back up and down with his hands.

Jongdae shrugged and leaned in to rest his forehead against Baekhyun’s. “I’m just happy. I never thought —God, it sounds awful, but I didn’t think that we—that _I’d_ make it this far.” Baekhyun nodded, giving Jongdae a light peck, lips barely brushing. “I love you,” Jongdae said, opening his eyes and moving away just a bit so he could look into Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun smiled and reached a hand up to brush back some of Jongdae’s hair, messy from all the exercise they had done today. “I love you too.” He kissed Jongdae’s cheek and moved to head to the bedroom, but Jongdae grabbed his wrist and pulled. “What?”

Jongdae let him go, and suddenly he looked nervous. “I just… I don’t want you to think that I say I love you just because. I know we say it a lot, but I really, really do.” Baekhyun furrowed his brow, not understanding where Jongdae was going with that.

“I know,” he said, pulling Jongdae towards him as they walked to the bedroom. “I really don’t think we can say _I love you_ too many times, though.”

Jongdae nodded absently, brushing circles into Baekhyun’s hand, that was resting between his as they sat on the edge of the bed, head down concentrated on the task.

They stayed like that for a bit, Baekhyun eventually resting his head on Jongdae’s shoulder as they both watched Jongdae’s hand on Baekhyun’s. he would never admit it, but Jongdae was fascinated with Baekhyun’s hands, how pretty they were, how long the fingers were, and the sinful, _wonderful_ things they could do.

“I think I want to marry you,” Jongdae said then, low and reverberating on the empty room.

Baekhyun pulled away to look into his eyes, but Jongdae was still looking down, even though Baekhyun’s hand was no longer between his. “Are you proposing?” he said, unsure about what to say now that Jongdae didn’t seem like he was going to say anything else.

“Yes,” Jongdae said, looking up and meeting Baekhyun’s eyes. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but today—It just feels right. I want to be with you forever, and I would marry you any day of the week if you asked. You’re—You’re my best friend, Baek.” He looked away for a moment, but then he returned to Baekhyun’s eyes. “I have a ring, if you want it. I just don’t know which box I put it in.”

Baekhyun then smiled, bright and wide and it filled Jongdae with hope. “I’m going to kill Chanyeol,” he said, but it didn’t seem serious. He got up and pulled Jongdae’s hands towards him, getting him off the bed. They both walked together in silence to the living room and the mess of boxes that filled it, Jongdae following in silence, not sure what was happening. Baekhyun stopped in front of a box that red “KITCHEN” and opened it as Jongdae stood there, confused as hell. “Is this the ring you bought?” Baekhyun said, kneeling on the floor and opening a small leather box from one of the pots in the carboard box.

“Yes,” Jongdae said, flipping out. “How did you—?”

“Because,” Baekhyun interrupted, not moving from his position. “I asked Chanyeol a month ago to help me pick a ring to propose. He was _very_ adamant that I buy this one.” He was smiling so big it looked painful.

Jongdae grinned, suddenly understanding where this was going. “To propose, huh?” He kneeled on the floor next to Baekhyun and grabbed the elder’s shoulders as they both stared into each other’s eyes, smiling like the idiots in love they were.

“I don’t think I want to marry you,” Baekhyun said, eyes glistening. “I _know_ I want to marry you. I love you. I love how passionate you are about music, and how much you hate cats, and how scared of children you are even when you know they all love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and watch you become the amazing artist I know you already are, and see you grow old and laugh at your expense. I want the rest of my life to have you in it, in any way you’ll let me.”

“It was never a choice to let you,” Jongdae said, taking the box from Baekhyun and putting it on the floor next to them as he scooched closer to Baekhyun. “Just a question of when.” He wanted to smile, but he was too emotional to manage anything else than a small smirk.

Baekhyun did smile this time, grabbing Jongdae’s hand and putting it over his own heart. “Will you marry me, then?” he said, letting his hands make their way down Jongdae’s back.

“I will,” Jongdae said. He had barely managed to get out the final word when Baekhyun was all over him, kissing every inch of skin he could get a hold of as Jongdae fell backwards, taking Baekhyun with him and falling on the floor together.

Jongdae laughed, trying to push Baekhyun off, but Baekhyun was too busy kissing his cheek, his neck, the juncture of his jaw, and he forgot about everything as he kissed him back, the ring long forgotten on the floor as they took time away from the world to make sure the other knew how much exactly they loved each other. They had all night, Jongdae thought absently. They had a whole lifetime, in fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations, you reached the end!  
> I can't believe I'm writing this. I'm about to tear up.  
> This was the first fic I've ever written, and all your support has been the only reason I even finished it. It feels so surreal to think that something I wrote has been read this many times, and your comments, kudos and appreciation have brightened up my day, truly.  
> I love this characters and I love this universe. I love Baekhyun and Jongdae and all of Exo, and I will definitely write more about them; but, for now, I am happy to say that this is done and they will live happily ever after.  
> I wanted this last chapter to be perfect, and I don't think I could be any prouder of it. I hope you love it as much as I do.  
> Thank you for reading, always; and see you next time.  
> Garazi

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @utlyewon if anyone is interested


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